Thursday, June 17, 2010
I know it's been eons since I last posted. I'm hoping to kick start the blogging again over at my new and yet to be christened site :)
Thanks for reading :)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
OK, so I attempted to return to blogging tonight. Wrote out my whole post about saying good bye to Dolly and welcoming Molly and silly, silly blogspot lost it!!! ARGH!!! This is part of why I gave up blogging, the frustration after having spent the time to sit and compose and etc and then have nothing to show for that time. So, now I go to bed - far too late considering how extremely tired I am, frustrated and annoyed and feeling like I just wasted 20+ minutes (plus the time I spent adjusting colors, photos, background layout) because I don't have a true new post. AND I'm frustrated with myself, because I should have KNOWN that something like this would happen and I should have copied what I had written before I hit "publish post." Oh WELL!! At least I ate half a lemon and half a raspberry cupcake tonight. Can't win them all!!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
On top of that I wanted to get to Costco to pick up a Shark to clean my floor, my awful awful floor. A floor that seemingly is impenetrable to any cleaning method. The floor is wood…yet Pine Sole doesn’t do the trick, nor the other three products I have in my cupboard that I’ve used sporadically on the floor to no avail. I keep hearing good things about the Shark, so I thought why not, let’s give it a try. However, I needed to purchase one and this purchase would involve a trip to Costco, which was to be my motivation to have me clean quick (ha) and get to the store. Well, that didn’t happen because I needed to be at the Loft waiting for a package between the hours of 8am and 7pm, an eleven hour window of delivery – fun!! Now it is closing in on 6, and I’ve yet to finish…there’s half a kitchen to put back together, and then there’s me – I think I need putting back together. I just feel that I was trapped all day with this weight over my head, pressing me down…CLEAN…CLEAN…CLEAN…is it good enough? Is it clean enough? A lot of the times I was answering no, so I was thinking what is the POINT to cleaning, my cleaning...
All this being said I think I need to have a discussion with my DH, and hire a cleaner…the kicker is I do have 1-2 days off a week, so really I should be doing the cleaning, but I think for my sanity and well being a cleaner it is going to have be.
However, that raises a whole bunch of other concerns. A cleaner?! Does that mean I am not good enough? Does that mean I can’t keep my own place clean? While the answer may be an obvious resounding yes, considering the previous paragraphs, I have a hard time with the thought of someone coming in and cleaning up.
If nothing else, my cleaning day today produced a blog post, the first in 5 and a half months…and “our” loft is clean, which will make my husband happy, and a happy husband makes for a happy life, oh wait, isn’t it a happy wife, makes for a happy life – in which case, the cleaning might not have been worth it for my husband!!!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
My first introduction to this poem by John Donne was during the play "Wit" which I have seen twice, in Seattle and in New York. An excellent play by the way, I still recall the character and her struggle with accepting the diagnosis of terminal ovarian cancer. It was during the play that Vivian Bearing (the main character) refers to John Donne's sonnet, commonly known as "Death Be Not Proud."
Donne eloquently speaks to the hope that we have in the knowledge that death has no hold over us, death has no right to claim anything for it is but "one short sleep" and then we experience eternal life. Despite the fact that many people give death might and power it is but a mere slave, controlled by disease, accident, war, murder, and luck. In fact, death is the only thing that dies, for once a person dies their soul lives on.
Until recently I had never been confronted with death personally. However that changed when on November 29th, 2008 we received a call that my granddad had passed away. He was 83 when he succumbed to his last sleep before living his life eternal. He was a man loved and still loved by so many. He was a man who exemplifed the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, his love was patient and kind, not envious nor proud, he kept no records of wrongs, delighted in truth. He loved his family. He loved his friends. He was a son, a brother, a sailor, an engingeer, a husband, a father, a friend, a grandfather, MY grandfather. He was the man whose lap I would crawl into. He was the man who brought me belgian buns any and every time I stayed. He was the man who I made cakes for. He was the man who was quick to smile, quick to laugh, and quick to love. I miss him. I miss knowing that he is with my nan in England. I miss knowing that the next time my grandparents come to America, it won't be a plural visitation. I miss him dearly. I see his face every time I come onto the computer, the photo at the bottom of this post greets me every time my computer boots up as it is my computer wallpaper.
I don't think of death too much, not in a sense of missing from earth. I've been known to hypothetically plan the memorial services of those close to me (specifically those of my parents...long before the passing of Granddad, and early on when they moved to Rocklin and I remained in San Jose). I've yet to plan out my hubby's memorial service, I just don't know enough French to do so, and it wouldn't be his memorial service if there wasn't French involved!!! But besides this perhaps strangely morbid habit, I don't tend to dwell on death. Even now having been personally confronted with death, I don't tend to dwell on it. Why give death that power, why give death that right? I would much rather celebrate the life of those that are but sleeping their final sleep before living the life that never ends.
Today marks nine years since Guillaume's mum passed on to life in the fullest. I did not have the privilege of meeting her, but I am thankful for who she was on a consistent basis. I realize from the snippets of stories people have shared that she was a woman who loved her family dearly, she loved God and embraced the gift of His Son, Jesus. She was intelligent and worked diligently at her role as a pharmicist in France. Along with her husband, Guillaume's dad, she started, ran, and managed a pharmacy in Strasbourg. Whenever I visit France I see her influence in the lives of those that knew her. I see it in the team of workers at the pharmacy, their love and respect for both Guillaume's mum and dad. I see it in the way Guillaume's dad's new wife lovingly embraces the family, a legacy I believe his mum - Christiane left. I see it in the eyes of G's aunt and uncle, and how their eyes well with tears at how much they miss her still. I see it in Bernard, G's dad, in how he treats Guillaume, in how he speaks of Christiane, or more appropriately doesn't speak of her. But most of all I experience the woman Christiane was, in the love that Guillaume shows me. I experience the legacy of his mother in how Guillaume loves God, has embraced the gift of His Son, Jesus, how he works hard and diligently, how he has a love for people and cooking, and a love for life.
I know one day that I will have the opportunity to meet this wonderful woman and that one day I will be reunited with my Granddad, because I know that death has no power. The words of John Donne's poem are true because of Jesus Christ's victory, his victory over death, and that by accepting and embracing the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ we all can know that death has no power, and no might, and that we live on eternally in the arms of God.
If you're reading this and don't know the ultimate joy that comes in knowing that death is but a doorway to eternal life, I urge you to ask questions, to discover who Jesus was, is and will always be, to find the Truth. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life."
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
See 'traditionally" (does three years count as tradition?) I've "given something up" for Lent. Myspace, chocolate, and the reading of fiction books. Even though today is the beginning, I've yet to completely decide what I'm "giving up."
I thought about exercise, but there's the slight problem of not really doing it in the first place. To give it up, you actually have to have it -- go figure!!
Then there was the whole sex thing, but somehow the husband wasn't really down for that. (Nor was I for that matter)!!
I did consider chocolate but considering I have Ferrero Rocher, Cadbury Cream Eggs, and chocolate covered raisins in my bag I'm thinking I'm setting myself up to fail. Or considering the abundant loot maybe I do need to give it up!!
There's the whole Facebook thing, but I legitimately use it to communicate, while I probably spend more time than necessarily on it, it wouldn't work...
Books - again, although I do tend to turn to them, lately that hasn't been the case. I simply enjoy the opportunity to sit and read AND I have about seven waiting for me.
Then there's coffee. I have 1-2 a day (a latte and a cappucino). Often 1 out and 1 at home. I was strongtly leaning towards this option, because I do tend to think I need one and I don't really. I enjoy a coffee to start my day, the warm milk of the latte...more than the actual coffee.
Yes, no exercise and diet of chocolate and lattes, you did read correctly, I also have developed a love affair with donuts, but that's a story for another day)!!
So I've boiled it down to this: rather than give something up, I'm going to add something in, and in doing so I will be giving up a) sleep b)reading c)TV d) Facebooking e) internet roaming on any particular day. Although yes I should be journaling daily, I don't. I've decided to journal the Scripture daily for each day leading up to Easter.
Commercial Break: I wrote the above earlier today, and I've sat here typing it up, while seated next to by adorable husband, listening to the dismal sounds of American Idol. I've not had such a difficult experience in typing an entry as I've had tonight. I keep missing letters in the words, forgetting spaces, having no sense of what I am actually typing. It's like an outer body experience. It might have something to do with the fact that I am TIRED (guess what? I get to SLEEP IN tomorrow, I am a slightly excited about this small fact, and nothing, no nothing is going to shake the day), and well it might be the TOO LOUD sound, or appropriately noise currently being emitted from the TV -- please save me from this nonsense!! Ok, commerical break over, time to finish out the Lent thought and wrap this blog up. (Oh, one more -- you know how they do that when you're watching TV and you think your show is about to start back up, and they throw one more commercial in...well here's the one more): ARGH!!!!!! Ok, interuption of the interuption, I don't know what's wrong I can't get my brain to think, it is as if there is a part of my brain that is missing, it is short circuiting... BUT the addtional "commercial" was to express my displeasure with the browser Firefox, I am having issues with Firefox and my blog. It won't save it, edit it properly, nor will it publish it (on neither the Mac or the PC)!!!
To close my Lent thoughts, I'm giving up thinking because obviously my body and brain have already decided that is what I should give up, it's non existent. Ok, so I think I will return tomorrow and continue the Lent thoughts, I'm only getting more frustrated as I keep trying to slog this post.
But in brief: I'm going to be journaling daily -- that's my Lent commitment!!!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
We interrupt your regular scheduled programming with a post independent of the "25 things" series.
I started Hot, Flat, and Crowded by Thomas Friedman this past week. I'm not reading it in the conventional sense, I am actually listening to it via the ipod. I've not really used an audio book before, I usually prefer to hold the book in hand, and turn the page; however I've started going to the gym, have the gym membership and everything, and I wanted something besides music or aimless TV to listen to while I worked out. There are a number of books, primarily non fiction that I've been wanting to read and Hot, Flat, and Crowded is one of them.
So, I began the journey into the book this past week and tonight I was reminded of what I had read. Which (not supposed to start sentences with "which" are you?) as an aside surprised me because while I was listening to the book I would find my mind wandering, and all of a sudden I would realize 'ummm, not too sure what he is on about, suppose I had better listen in again.'
Continuing...Friedman begins his book with the story of the American Consulate in
The reason this came to mind tonight was that I found myself in a similar situation to
Standing with the other ladies tonight I realized how easy it is for me to default to isolation. It is no longer complete isolation because of the 6'6" man by my side, but it is a different type of isolation. This time it isn't so much by choice, but from my current lifestyle, although I do find myself leaning towards a life of isolation rather than inclusion. The scary thing is that things like Facebook and the blogging give the illusion of living connected, but really they foster isolation.
Yet despite the many means of communication it isn't too difficult to be cut off from those around you, to be at work, to be home, and neither see nor hear from those you hold dear for days at a time. I know I have a tendency to revert to isolation mode in life, and I know that when I do my life lacks the richness and abundance I was called to live in. Knowing this about myself, I know that if America continues her trend of isolation born and breed out of fear, that they too will fail to "live" a full and abundant life, and again I know from personal experience this is no way to live life.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
First trip to Paris - summer 2001
First trip to Paris - Lourve - summer 2001
Third trip - first with G - Musee Rodin - May 2008Trip #3 - first with the honey - Roland Garros
Notre Dame in at Noel - 2008 - trip #4 (second trip with G)
Laduree's - the place with the yummy macaroons - trip #4
(Pre script: this has been edited...I reread what I wrote and wow, ouch my spelling and grammar was out of this world - well, two changes! So, if you happened to read this prior to the editing then my sincere apologies. I haven't corrected the misspelled French words, like I say in the post I think it adds character ;))
I've been to
The first time I traveled to
I returned to
My next two trips to
But romantic? We haven't hit our romantic stride in
Second trip was this past Christmas. Our trip to the Eiffel Tower was delayed for our next trip trip because we had one of our biggest fights along the streets of Paris...it started when I didn't eat the mushrooms in the salad at a *nice* restaurant...or something like that :) (Hi Honey -- care to comment?!)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
25 Random Things, they've stormed the Facebook note section, and even though I filled one out there, I decided I needed something to kick start my blogging. SO...I decided to do a second "25 Random Things" and within each point of randomness I have a built in blog topic. Read on and discover some more randomness, and stay tuned because with this I have at least 25 blog posts just waiting to spill forth!!!
1. When I was 15 I found out I couldn't have children biologically.
2. The most tears I've shed have been during two seasons: when we first moved to the
3. I try to go into Costco with no cart, and only buy what I can carry. However, it always amazes me just how much I can carry.
4. Both at home and at work there are sharp knives, and as such my hands are covered in nicks.
5. I've been to
6. One of my fondest memories of travelling is when my mum and I travelled through
7. I tend to have a keen sense of justice, sometimes to the extreme of forgetting to bring grace into the equation.
8. Until recently I was reluctant to enjoy Christmas Carols.
9. This next one was on my original 25 things. I LOVE my family. They are IT for me. Cross them, and be prepared to face my wrath!
10. I've worked as a Nanny for four and a half years, for the same family. M and M are my sunshines. I delight in the little moments of the day, and do pull my hair out on occassion, such as no nap transitions.
11. I've sky dived!!! I would like to do so again. BUT I would really like to bunjee jump into water.
12. While the idea of scuba diving intrigues and I would like to see the underwater world, I'm scared to actually try it. Just thinking about it causes me to hyperventilate.
13. Although I've never got stuck in an elevator I try not to ride in them unless I have both a bottle of water and a snack. You never know if you're going to get stuck!!
14. I grind my teeth at night!!
15. Being married is harder than I ever expected, but fuller and richer than I could have ever known.
16. G and I "dated" for 10 weeks before he broke up with me. We then spent a summer and fall of being friends, wherein he fell in love with me.
17. G and I dated for five months before we got engaged, and married 5 and a half months later.
18. I enjoyed our wedding day to the fullest and remember it all, although it seems like a dream.
19. Some of the dearest people in my life, besides my family, are the Hittler/Wall clan.
20. My hair color has been blonde - in varying shades, red, brown, and dark brown/nearly black.
21. I'm a secret germophobe.
22. I'm most happy if I'm not with lots of people.
23. I enjoy my own company, and always (or nearly always) have!!
24. I accepted the truth of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection at a young age.
25. My dream is to one day write a book (or two)!!
There you have it, stay tuned....
Sunday, November 9, 2008
But in a few weeks, after I master my geek skills, I'm going to go to G's office and wow all those other engineers with my beauty and geekiness (and common sense, but that's neither here nor there) -- the combination will be the fatal blow. It was for me with Guillaume -- the other week, about 7 other weeks to be closer to exact, he was doing something on the computer where he pulled up a black screen and typed all this green stuff into it, and seeing him do that was actually quite sexy!!!
It might be a good idea if I perhaps came OFF of the computer and got some sleep.
Oh, some good friends of ours had their first child today -- Cyrus Maximus and what a handsome little fellow -- congratulations, love, and prayers to this expanding family!!!
(As an aside -- silly BlogSpot won't let me change the whole content of my post to one color, sorry for inconvenience in reading)!!!
It hit me the other day that in five years… …fun process to open all the gifts… Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spirit … I’m a married woman now... 150 thank you cards mean 150 gifts… A life of abundance… …nothing has really been permanent… Lost without time… I’m not one of those people who actually enjoy running… …actually got married… Movies that make you think… Books that tickle your senses… Babies and no more babies and then some more… …this was the year to VOTE… …pain and joy, beauty and sorrow… Maybe Baby…
I once wrote a paper consisting entirely of stream of conscious thought and ellipses, and I turned it in!! It was an AP English Class my Senior year at High School. The assignment was to discuss Dante’s Inferno, and for whatever reason I couldn’t grasp any one thought in my mind, and then I got stuck on the thought of merely linking ALL my thoughts regarding Dante, etc and although admittedly there was some hesitation at turning in such a paper, I did it. I received at C+ on the paper, the lowest grade I ever received on a written assignment. At the time I first was disappointed with myself and the grade, because I knew that I could have done better, but now and even then eventually I felt this strange sense of accomplishment. This sense of not conforming to true technique, of just writing, of spewing the thoughts out.
So because I haven’t written a blog post in nearly four months, I don’t think the one sentence "post" counted on September 13, I decided to just write. Write darling, write and I still can’t quite link all my thoughts, the above is a splattering – they are my thoughts, opening lines, middle sentences crashing and colliding into each other. I did begin to fill in the “blanks” so hopefully that means that I will have at least new posts for the next few days, but no promises my friends!!!