ever changing, yet still the same

I've Moved!!

2010-06-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving this blog and have created a new one, if you're interested in the new site comment and I'll pass it on!!

I know it's been eons since I last posted. I'm hoping to kick start the blogging again over at my new and yet to be christened site :)

Thanks for reading :)

A return? Nope, 'cause blogspot doesn't like me.

2010-02-24T23:19:00.000-08:00

OK, so I attempted to return to blogging tonight. Wrote out my whole post about saying good bye to Dolly and welcoming Molly and silly, silly blogspot lost it!!! ARGH!!! This is part of why I gave up blogging, the frustration after having spent the time to sit and compose and etc and then have nothing to show for that time. So, now I go to bed - far too late considering how extremely tired I am, frustrated and annoyed and feeling like I just wasted 20+ minutes (plus the time I spent adjusting colors, photos, background layout) because I don't have a true new post. AND I'm frustrated with myself, because I should have KNOWN that something like this would happen and I should have copied what I had written before I hit "publish post." Oh WELL!! At least I ate half a lemon and half a raspberry cupcake tonight. Can't win them all!!

Cleaning Day!

2009-08-04T17:52:00.000-07:00

I strongly dislike cleaning. I don’t enjoy it. Not one iota. It does not leave me feeling pleased, accomplished, satisfied. Nope, it leaves me with a sense of waste, that I would waste/spend a whole day cleaning. It isn’t that I have/live in a large living quarters and that it takes a whole day, it is because I have such a strong distaste for cleaning that I can generally find any means to procrastinate from actually cleaning. But rather than actually do this procrastination productively (i.e. read a book, or …), I’ll pretend that I am in fact cleaning, and take “quick” breaks to check Facebook, or find new blogs to read. Today I rediscovered “Blognosh” and in the process discovered a variety of new blogs. Of course, I couldn’t just settle on reading one post from the blog, I had to backtrack through the archives and get a feel for the blog, and the blogger.

On top of that I wanted to get to Costco to pick up a Shark to clean my floor, my awful awful floor. A floor that seemingly is impenetrable to any cleaning method. The floor is wood…yet Pine Sole doesn’t do the trick, nor the other three products I have in my cupboard that I’ve used sporadically on the floor to no avail. I keep hearing good things about the Shark, so I thought why not, let’s give it a try. However, I needed to purchase one and this purchase would involve a trip to Costco, which was to be my motivation to have me clean quick (ha) and get to the store. Well, that didn’t happen because I needed to be at the Loft waiting for a package between the hours of 8am and 7pm, an eleven hour window of delivery – fun!! Now it is closing in on 6, and I’ve yet to finish…there’s half a kitchen to put back together, and then there’s me – I think I need putting back together. I just feel that I was trapped all day with this weight over my head, pressing me down…CLEAN…CLEAN…CLEAN…is it good enough? Is it clean enough? A lot of the times I was answering no, so I was thinking what is the POINT to cleaning, my cleaning...

All this being said I think I need to have a discussion with my DH, and hire a cleaner…the kicker is I do have 1-2 days off a week, so really I should be doing the cleaning, but I think for my sanity and well being a cleaner it is going to have be.

However, that raises a whole bunch of other concerns. A cleaner?! Does that mean I am not good enough? Does that mean I can’t keep my own place clean? While the answer may be an obvious resounding yes, considering the previous paragraphs, I have a hard time with the thought of someone coming in and cleaning up.

If nothing else, my cleaning day today produced a blog post, the first in 5 and a half months…and “our” loft is clean, which will make my husband happy, and a happy husband makes for a happy life, oh wait, isn’t it a happy wife, makes for a happy life – in which case, the cleaning might not have been worth it for my husband!!!

death be not proud

2009-02-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,

Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,

And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

My first introduction to this poem by John Donne was during the play "Wit" which I have seen twice, in Seattle and in New York. An excellent play by the way, I still recall the character and her struggle with accepting the diagnosis of terminal ovarian cancer. It was during the play that Vivian Bearing (the main character) refers to John Donne's sonnet, commonly known as "Death Be Not Proud."

Donne eloquently speaks to the hope that we have in the knowledge that death has no hold over us, death has no right to claim anything for it is but "one short sleep" and then we experience eternal life. Despite the fact that many people give death might and power it is but a mere slave, controlled by disease, accident, war, murder, and luck. In fact, death is the only thing that dies, for once a person dies their soul lives on.

Until recently I had never been confronted with death personally. However that changed when on November 29th, 2008 we received a call that my granddad had passed away. He was 83 when he succumbed to his last sleep before living his life eternal. He was a man loved and still loved by so many. He was a man who exemplifed the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, his love was patient and kind, not envious nor proud, he kept no records of wrongs, delighted in truth. He loved his family. He loved his friends. He was a son, a brother, a sailor, an engingeer, a husband, a father, a friend, a grandfather, MY grandfather. He was the man whose lap I would crawl into. He was the man who brought me belgian buns any and every time I stayed. He was the man who I made cakes for. He was the man who was quick to smile, quick to laugh, and quick to love. I miss him. I miss knowing that he is with my nan in England. I miss knowing that the next time my grandparents come to America, it won't be a plural visitation. I miss him dearly. I see his face every time I come onto the computer, the photo at the bottom of this post greets me every time my computer boots up as it is my computer wallpaper.

I don't think of death too much, not in a sense of missing from earth. I've been known to hypothetically plan the memorial services of those close to me (specifically those of my parents...long before the passing of Granddad, and early on when they moved to Rocklin and I remained in San Jose). I've yet to plan out my hubby's memorial service, I just don't know enough French to do so, and it wouldn't be his memorial service if there wasn't French involved!!! But besides this perhaps strangely morbid habit, I don't tend to dwell on death. Even now having been personally confronted with death, I don't tend to dwell on it. Why give death that power, why give death that right? I would much rather celebrate the life of those that are but sleeping their final sleep before living the life that never ends.

Today marks nine years since Guillaume's mum passed on to life in the fullest. I did not have the privilege of meeting her, but I am thankful for who she was on a consistent basis. I realize from the snippets of stories people have shared that she was a woman who loved her family dearly, she loved God and embraced the gift of His Son, Jesus. She was intelligent and worked diligently at her role as a pharmicist in France. Along with her husband, Guillaume's dad, she started, ran, and managed a pharmacy in Strasbourg. Whenever I visit France I see her influence in the lives of those that knew her. I see it in the team of workers at the pharmacy, their love and respect for both Guillaume's mum and dad. I see it in the way Guillaume's dad's new wife lovingly embraces the family, a legacy I believe his mum - Christiane left. I see it in the eyes of G's aunt and uncle, and how their eyes well with tears at how much they miss her still. I see it in Bernard, G's dad, in how he treats Guillaume, in how he speaks of Christiane, or more appropriately doesn't speak of her. But most of all I experience the woman Christiane was, in the love that Guillaume shows me. I experience the legacy of his mother in how Guillaume loves God, has embraced the gift of His Son, Jesus, how he works hard and diligently, how he has a love for people and cooking, and a love for life.

I know one day that I will have the opportunity to meet this wonderful woman and that one day I will be reunited with my Granddad, because I know that death has no power. The words of John Donne's poem are true because of Jesus Christ's victory, his victory over death, and that by accepting and embracing the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ we all can know that death has no power, and no might, and that we live on eternally in the arms of God.

If you're reading this and don't know the ultimate joy that comes in knowing that death is but a doorway to eternal life, I urge you to ask questions, to discover who Jesus was, is and will always be, to find the Truth. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life."

It's that time of year -- LENT!!!

2009-02-25T22:06:00.000-08:00

Today marks the beginning of Lent, 40/46 days leading up to Easter (which is April 12th). Here's what ol' faithful has to say, "The purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer—through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial—for the annual commemoration of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, as celebrated during Holy Week, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ."(Courtesy of Wikipedia). I believe I've used this exact same description here.

See 'traditionally" (does three years count as tradition?) I've "given something up" for Lent. Myspace, chocolate, and the reading of fiction books. Even though today is the beginning, I've yet to completely decide what I'm "giving up."

I thought about exercise, but there's the slight problem of not really doing it in the first place. To give it up, you actually have to have it -- go figure!!

Then there was the whole sex thing, but somehow the husband wasn't really down for that. (Nor was I for that matter)!!

I did consider chocolate but considering I have Ferrero Rocher, Cadbury Cream Eggs, and chocolate covered raisins in my bag I'm thinking I'm setting myself up to fail. Or considering the abundant loot maybe I do need to give it up!!

There's the whole Facebook thing, but I legitimately use it to communicate, while I probably spend more time than necessarily on it, it wouldn't work...

Books - again, although I do tend to turn to them, lately that hasn't been the case. I simply enjoy the opportunity to sit and read AND I have about seven waiting for me.

Then there's coffee. I have 1-2 a day (a latte and a cappucino). Often 1 out and 1 at home. I was strongtly leaning towards this option, because I do tend to think I need one and I don't really. I enjoy a coffee to start my day, the warm milk of the latte...more than the actual coffee.

Yes, no exercise and diet of chocolate and lattes, you did read correctly, I also have developed a love affair with donuts, but that's a story for another day)!!

So I've boiled it down to this: rather than give something up, I'm going to add something in, and in doing so I will be giving up a) sleep b)reading c)TV d) Facebooking e) internet roaming on any particular day. Although yes I should be journaling daily, I don't. I've decided to journal the Scripture daily for each day leading up to Easter.

Commercial Break: I wrote the above earlier today, and I've sat here typing it up, while seated next to by adorable husband, listening to the dismal sounds of American Idol. I've not had such a difficult experience in typing an entry as I've had tonight. I keep missing letters in the words, forgetting spaces, having no sense of what I am actually typing. It's like an outer body experience. It might have something to do with the fact that I am TIRED (guess what? I get to SLEEP IN tomorrow, I am a slightly excited about this small fact, and nothing, no nothing is going to shake the day), and well it might be the TOO LOUD sound, or appropriately noise currently being emitted from the TV -- please save me from this nonsense!! Ok, commerical break over, time to finish out the Lent thought and wrap this blog up. (Oh, one more -- you know how they do that when you're watching TV and you think your show is about to start back up, and they throw one more commercial in...well here's the one more): ARGH!!!!!! Ok, interuption of the interuption, I don't know what's wrong I can't get my brain to think, it is as if there is a part of my brain that is missing, it is short circuiting... BUT the addtional "commercial" was to express my displeasure with the browser Firefox, I am having issues with Firefox and my blog. It won't save it, edit it properly, nor will it publish it (on neither the Mac or the PC)!!!

To close my Lent thoughts, I'm giving up thinking because obviously my body and brain have already decided that is what I should give up, it's non existent. Ok, so I think I will return tomorrow and continue the Lent thoughts, I'm only getting more frustrated as I keep trying to slog this post.

But in brief: I'm going to be journaling daily -- that's my Lent commitment!!!

a life of isolation

2009-02-19T23:45:00.000-08:00

We interrupt your regular scheduled programming with a post independent of the "25 things" series.

I started Hot, Flat, and Crowded by Thomas Friedman this past week. I'm not reading it in the conventional sense, I am actually listening to it via the ipod. I've not really used an audio book before, I usually prefer to hold the book in hand, and turn the page; however I've started going to the gym, have the gym membership and everything, and I wanted something besides music or aimless TV to listen to while I worked out. There are a number of books, primarily non fiction that I've been wanting to read and Hot, Flat, and Crowded is one of them.

So, I began the journey into the book this past week and tonight I was reminded of what I had read. Which (not supposed to start sentences with "which" are you?) as an aside surprised me because while I was listening to the book I would find my mind wandering, and all of a sudden I would realize 'ummm, not too sure what he is on about, suppose I had better listen in again.'

Continuing...Friedman begins his book with the story of the American Consulate in Turkey. It was built after the 9/11 attacks, and is an impenetrable fortress, the tale goes than not even birds are permitted to fly in the air space. While the numerous safety precautions prove to be effective, (the British Consulate is bombed killing some, the American Consulate wasn't touched - as the story goes, the terrorists knew they would be unsuccessful), it is illustrative of what America has become -- an impenetrable fortress - something that lets no one in and no one out. From this story Friedman goes on to talk about how from fear America has isolated herself from the world. America is no longer a bridge, it is no longer a country open to new ideas or new cultures, but it has become a place of isolation driven by fear. Thomas Friedman makes an interesting point when he speaks of how the internet came to be. It was a reaction to the Russian Sputnik movement. Following this event, America realized the need for a universal network, and boom the creation of the internet (I'm paraphrasing and oversimplifying massively here) came to be. In the same way America has reacted to the horrors of 9/11 in a way that the repercussions are not yet fully known. America is losing the appeal of being the land of the free.

The reason this came to mind tonight was that I found myself in a similar situation to America. I went to a Special Needs seminar taught by friend and hosted by my home church. As the seminar finished, I stood around in the group chatting. Or rather listening in to the chat. In doing so I realized just how isolated I had become, have been in the past, and perhaps struggle to a degree with still. When we (my parents, brothers, and I) first moved to American in 1995 I was not at all pleased, and from that point on my actions reflected the choice I made in how I reacted to the move. Over time I isolated myself from the outside world. I was content to be just at home, with my books, my family close at hand. I would venture out yearly, create friendships, forge relationships, but ultimately remain isolated. I had allowed the fear of being left vulnerable to cut me off. In the times that I was a part of a community, inevitably an attack would occur, a near brutal one in 2004, one of which I still carry the scars to prove that I lived through it. And again I isolated myself, and allowed fear to dictate the course of my life. Through God's grace I embraced his promise of restoration (Joel 2) and began to live fully again (a story for another day).

Standing with the other ladies tonight I realized how easy it is for me to default to isolation. It is no longer complete isolation because of the 6'6" man by my side, but it is a different type of isolation. This time it isn't so much by choice, but from my current lifestyle, although I do find myself leaning towards a life of isolation rather than inclusion. The scary thing is that things like Facebook and the blogging give the illusion of living connected, but really they foster isolation.

Yet despite the many means of communication it isn't too difficult to be cut off from those around you, to be at work, to be home, and neither see nor hear from those you hold dear for days at a time. I know I have a tendency to revert to isolation mode in life, and I know that when I do my life lacks the richness and abundance I was called to live in. Knowing this about myself, I know that if America continues her trend of isolation born and breed out of fear, that they too will fail to "live" a full and abundant life, and again I know from personal experience this is no way to live life.

More Paris trip(s) pics

2009-02-18T23:21:00.000-08:00

First trip to Paris - summer 2001
First trip to Paris - Lourve - summer 2001

Third trip - first with G - Musee Rodin - May 2008Trip #3 - first with the honey - Roland Garros

photos from Paris Trips

2009-02-18T23:15:00.001-08:00

"the thinker" - musee rodin -- trip #3 (first trip with G) - May 2008
Notre Dame in at Noel - 2008 - trip #4 (second trip with G)
Laduree's - the place with the yummy macaroons - trip #4

Alison and I -- first day in Paris -- we found it!! Trip #2 - summer 2006
Me - it FINALLY got dark. Trip #2 - summer 2006

oh la la - Paris!!! (don't pronounce that 's')!!

2009-02-18T23:03:00.000-08:00

(Pre script: this has been edited...I reread what I wrote and wow, ouch my spelling and grammar was out of this world - well, two changes! So, if you happened to read this prior to the editing then my sincere apologies. I haven't corrected the misspelled French words, like I say in the post I think it adds character ;))

I've been to Paris four times, four very separate and distinct trips. And considering I am now married to a bona fide Frenchman, I will be returning to Paris again.

The first time I traveled to Paris was with my mum the summer after I graduated from High School. It was a whirlwind of a trip. It was the beginning of our 6 week travels around Europe (check out a secondary post concerning the trip in detail). But we traveled from SFO arriving in London in the afternoon, traveled by train/tube to my grandparents' house, spent the night and left the next day for Paris. Upon our arrival in Paris, we secured a hotel, and then hit the streets. We were in Paris a total of two and a half days and in that time we saw Champ d' Elysses, the Arc d' triumph, Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, Lourve, Versailles, Sacre Couer, Montmarte, and more. One of our meals was Pizza Hut and Chicken wings!!! and we walked EVERYwhere, riding the metro only when arriving and leaving Paris. "The City of Lights" was but a glimmering whirl, but what a whirl. This trip offered to me Paris in multiple pieces, not fully tasting it in it's whole, but giving me enough for me to know that I wanted MORE!!!

I returned to Paris in the summer of 2006 with my good friend Alison. This time around we had prearranged our travel arrangements, and planned to stay in a hostel in the Latin Quarter. To say it was hot and humid when we were there would be an understatement, there is good reason true Parisians leave the city in the summer! This time around we took our time. We made it to Versailles, the Lourve, Notre Dame, and had some fun wanderings, but never did quite make it to the Sacre Couer/Montmarte. The highlight though would have to be our brilliant decision to spend approximately nine hours at the base of the Eiffel Tower waiting, and waiting, and waiting for it to get dark. It was HOT and HUMID and we had traveled from Versailles to the Eiffel Tower. We knew we wanted to see the ET at night, to see it lit up, but we underestimated just how long it would take for it to get dark -- umm, 10PM. We arrived about 2PM. Even now Alison and I can't quite figure out why we stayed. We did have fun though. We created background stories for the strange people waiting there too. We met a French Texan. And we waded in the pools that cascade down opposite the ET. It solidified Alison's love affair with the ET and became one of those stories that only we really get!!!

My next two trips to Paris were with a Frenchie, with my lover - aww, you think - two lovers in Paris, you can't beat that now can you?! Well, actually you can!! Despite having gone to Paris twice with my hubby, we've yet to make it to the ET (maybe all those hours spent there with Alison counteract the need), but there is something that says we "need" to go there and at least get a photo!!! Traveling Paris with my Frenchman is quite an experience, one that might just make it into a book one day. My hubby is a foodie, and when he returns to France he makes use of every opportunity to indulge in the foods of his youth!! We eat at *nice* restaurants, sample macacroons from the *best* pastarrie - Ladruees. We visit la fnac (this really large media store) where we spend a number of hours browsing the French DVDs. We stay in hotels. Ride the metro like pros, and I never have to worry about knowing what was said, what to say, or what to do...

But romantic? We haven't hit our romantic stride in Paris. Our first time we weren't married for one, two it was colder than expected (never fun to be cold), three we rode bikes in the city - um, although it sounds like fun, *shaking head* not so much. G - dearest hubby of mine - is a bike rider, knew where he was going, and off he went. Me -- not so much of a rider, although I do ok, am trailing him through French traffic with buses looming on my left, navigating round abouts on the bike, and thinking I'm not going to make it to my wedding day!! So, the bikes were a no go -- much to G's disappointment. BUT we went to Musee Rodin, which was awesome and it was a lovely time to experience the art and sculpture of Rodin. Our trip was otherwise taken up watching a quarterfinal match of the Roland Garros. Again an experience in and of itself as we scalped the tickets...

Second trip was this past Christmas. Our trip to the Eiffel Tower was delayed for our next trip trip because we had one of our biggest fights along the streets of Paris...it started when I didn't eat the mushrooms in the salad at a *nice* restaurant...or something like that :) (Hi Honey -- care to comment?!)

So Paris brings a smile to my face every time, for very different reasons. I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to visit four times already and to know I will have many more opportunities to visit, and perhaps one day live there. But first I need to learn this confounded language, not easy when I have a walking dictionary/translator!!! So yes IGNORE the misspelt words of French names, yes I could spell check them, and yes a good writer would, but I feel it adds to the mystique of my love of this strange city with tall buildings, rich history, and strong memories. Cliche, yes, but I feel each time I've traveled to Paris and spent time there I've discovered more of who I am. It has served to reveal to me, me and I'm eager to have this city continue it's role of my unveiling!!!

25 things...

2009-02-17T21:14:00.000-08:00

25 Random Things, they've stormed the Facebook note section, and even though I filled one out there, I decided I needed something to kick start my blogging. SO...I decided to do a second "25 Random Things" and within each point of randomness I have a built in blog topic. Read on and discover some more randomness, and stay tuned because with this I have at least 25 blog posts just waiting to spill forth!!!

1. When I was 15 I found out I couldn't have children biologically.

2. The most tears I've shed have been during two seasons: when we first moved to the USA in 1995 and these past few months. Life altering change does a number on me!

3. I try to go into Costco with no cart, and only buy what I can carry. However, it always amazes me just how much I can carry.

4. Both at home and at work there are sharp knives, and as such my hands are covered in nicks.

5. I've been to Paris four times: once with my mum, once with Alison, and twice with Guillaume. Each trip has been different!!!

6. One of my fondest memories of travelling is when my mum and I travelled through France, Italy, and Spain for 6 weeks (or so). I had just graduated from High School and my mum and I set off!!

7. I tend to have a keen sense of justice, sometimes to the extreme of forgetting to bring grace into the equation.

8. Until recently I was reluctant to enjoy Christmas Carols.

9. This next one was on my original 25 things. I LOVE my family. They are IT for me. Cross them, and be prepared to face my wrath!

10. I've worked as a Nanny for four and a half years, for the same family. M and M are my sunshines. I delight in the little moments of the day, and do pull my hair out on occassion, such as no nap transitions.

11. I've sky dived!!! I would like to do so again. BUT I would really like to bunjee jump into water.

12. While the idea of scuba diving intrigues and I would like to see the underwater world, I'm scared to actually try it. Just thinking about it causes me to hyperventilate.

13. Although I've never got stuck in an elevator I try not to ride in them unless I have both a bottle of water and a snack. You never know if you're going to get stuck!!

14. I grind my teeth at night!!

15. Being married is harder than I ever expected, but fuller and richer than I could have ever known.

16. G and I "dated" for 10 weeks before he broke up with me. We then spent a summer and fall of being friends, wherein he fell in love with me.

17. G and I dated for five months before we got engaged, and married 5 and a half months later.

18. I enjoyed our wedding day to the fullest and remember it all, although it seems like a dream.

19. Some of the dearest people in my life, besides my family, are the Hittler/Wall clan.

20. My hair color has been blonde - in varying shades, red, brown, and dark brown/nearly black.

21. I'm a secret germophobe.

22. I'm most happy if I'm not with lots of people.

23. I enjoy my own company, and always (or nearly always) have!!

24. I accepted the truth of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection at a young age.

25. My dream is to one day write a book (or two)!!

There you have it, stay tuned....

Geekified (and yes, THAT is a word)!!!

2008-11-09T22:35:00.000-08:00

Oh, Oh I have to share: I'm becoming "geekified" -- yes, that darling husband of mine is teaching me about J-Unit, and Coding (well, he hasn't yet, but he will) and I quite enjoy it. Something about learning a new subject that has no substance in my current knowledge base is thrilling -- imagine that, learning actually works :)

But in a few weeks, after I master my geek skills, I'm going to go to G's office and wow all those other engineers with my beauty and geekiness (and common sense, but that's neither here nor there) -- the combination will be the fatal blow. It was for me with Guillaume -- the other week, about 7 other weeks to be closer to exact, he was doing something on the computer where he pulled up a black screen and typed all this green stuff into it, and seeing him do that was actually quite sexy!!!

It might be a good idea if I perhaps came OFF of the computer and got some sleep.

Oh, some good friends of ours had their first child today -- Cyrus Maximus and what a handsome little fellow -- congratulations, love, and prayers to this expanding family!!!

(As an aside -- silly BlogSpot won't let me change the whole content of my post to one color, sorry for inconvenience in reading)!!!

a little bit of randomness

2008-11-09T22:31:00.000-08:00

It hit me the other day that in five years… …fun process to open all the gifts… Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spirit … I’m a married woman now... 150 thank you cards mean 150 gifts… A life of abundance… …nothing has really been permanent… Lost without time… I’m not one of those people who actually enjoy running… …actually got married… Movies that make you think… Books that tickle your senses… Babies and no more babies and then some more… …this was the year to VOTE… …pain and joy, beauty and sorrow… Maybe Baby…

I once wrote a paper consisting entirely of stream of conscious thought and ellipses, and I turned it in!! It was an AP English Class my Senior year at High School. The assignment was to discuss Dante’s Inferno, and for whatever reason I couldn’t grasp any one thought in my mind, and then I got stuck on the thought of merely linking ALL my thoughts regarding Dante, etc and although admittedly there was some hesitation at turning in such a paper, I did it. I received at C+ on the paper, the lowest grade I ever received on a written assignment. At the time I first was disappointed with myself and the grade, because I knew that I could have done better, but now and even then eventually I felt this strange sense of accomplishment. This sense of not conforming to true technique, of just writing, of spewing the thoughts out.

So because I haven’t written a blog post in nearly four months, I don’t think the one sentence "post" counted on September 13, I decided to just write. Write darling, write and I still can’t quite link all my thoughts, the above is a splattering – they are my thoughts, opening lines, middle sentences crashing and colliding into each other. I did begin to fill in the “blanks” so hopefully that means that I will have at least new posts for the next few days, but no promises my friends!!!

A Final One - a Poignant One

2008-11-09T22:20:00.000-08:00

Here I am getting into the car to leave for the church from the home of our dear friends, the Hittler's. I got married in San Jose, but my parents live in Rocklin, so the next best thing was getting ready at the Hittler home -- the home of Family Dinners!! It is an English Tradition for the bride to leave for the church with just her father in the car, and to arrive LATE -- I kept the leave with the father, I did not keep the arrive late, I was on time at 1, but others were late so I had the opportunity to peek through the side door and watch people :)

More weddings posts to come.

Some MORE wedding photos

2008-11-09T22:16:00.000-08:00

Laura, Me, AlisonShow me the legs ladies...
Me and my girls...aren't they beautiful?!
Me and my "sisters"
Friends...

It might be a good idea to keep in mind that these are just a few candid shots, courtesy of guests from the wedding, and saved from Facebook -- one of these days I'll get the real deal and post some of those!!

Some Wedding Photos

2008-11-09T22:12:00.001-08:00

Dancing with my GranddadMe and the groom -- my husband -- Guillaume

Me with my Maid of Honor - Alison
That would be me -- the Bride!!
Kind of small -- but that is me and the husband with my mum and dad

The day has finally arrived!!! I'm about to skydive in less than 12 hours. Ready or not I'm prepping myself for the jump, see you when I've landed!!!

2008-09-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

i went skydiving...and i'm about to again!

2008-08-13T00:51:00.001-07:00

I'm getting married in 30 days, can you believe it? I can't. Not really. There are many items left on the ultimate "to do" list and that aside just thinking about getting married seems mind boggling. Earlier today I was mentioning to a friend about the three top things we have to accomplish just this week: wedding bands, restaurant for the later dinner (we did have an option but unfortunately they are going out of business), and monkey suits for Guillaume and his fellow monkeys. I made a face, I think, and further mentioned that my ultimate desire is to just hop skip over all of "this" and to just be married.

A veteran of marriage -- married himself, and been engaged in countless premarital sessions with other couples, he smiled and said "Getting married is like falling off of a cliff, just before you actually fall your whole life flashes before your eyes -- in that split second a lifetime spans the mind..." So on that day -- September 13 -- when I stand opposite Guillaume and prepare to make a commitment for life, a commitment to love, honor, and respect - him, that the past weeks of preparation and checking the list and checking it twice (yes, Santa has been coaching me, thankfully I don't have to decide who's been naughty or nice), that all this will rush through my mind, and before I know it I will be walking back down the aisle known as Mrs. Eleanor Egles!

I appreciated the analogy of getting married being liking falling off of a cliff. For me it is slightly similar to when I went sky diving (yep, four years ago I leapt - ha - out of a plane). My older brother David had jumped numerous times, and in fact had logged 16 (I may just have made that number up, but something along those lines) solo jumps. I was only going to do a tandem jump. But because he had experienced skydiving himself he was quick to share wisdom on what to do, how you hold your arms, what it feels like, and we had seen video footage of his jumps so there was an inkling of what to expect.

The day approached to jump - October 30, 2004 - and the family left early to travel down to Hollister for the jump. Ronnie and Olesia, my younger brother and "sister" were also jumping that same day. The nerves are starting to kick in -- the fact that I'm about to jump out of a plane and race to the ground is now just starting to sink in. Until I was actually in the plane, all suited up, it didn't quite hit what I was about to do. The instructor cues you, snaps you on to him, and before you know it, whoosh out of the airplane door you fly, and down, down you soar, the wind rushing at you, pulling at your face, your muscles contorted this way and that, and then bam - the parachute is pulled and you zoom up slightly, and ease into a gentle, strangely enough soothing descent -- those first few minutes of instantaneous rush have passed, and now you get to enjoy the ride. No amount of prepping from my older brother prepared me for it -- sure, it gave me a deeper understanding, maybe clued me into what I should watch for, but it didn't prepare me for actually experiencing the dive and fall and the rush of emotions - from exhilaration to fear to joy to amazement -- all there.

So, I'm thinking getting married, a wedding is akin to skydiving. No amount of sound advice and wisdom and knowledge that is offered fully prepares you for the day -- yes it gives you perspective, it gives you a broader knowledge base, but until you experience it yourself, you still can't grasp the overwhelming moment that is about to take place. Additionally I know that those first moments of the day, at some point I'm going to be hit with the soaring, I can't believe I'm throwing myself out of an airplane emotion, and then I will settle in for the ride and will enjoy the day with all its intricacies and beauty, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be feeling those same mix of emotions as when I jumped: exhilaration, fear, joy, amazement -- and LOVE, love for the man I'm committing to, love for the family and friends that stand to witness our commitment and pledge to also stand with us as walk this new road, and love for the GOD who loves me so tenderly and so dearly that not only did he send his son, Jesus, to die on a cross for me -- which is more than enough, more than I ever deserve, but he also gifted me with the most amazing and most treasured man -- Guillaume.

On that note I must give in to the sleep that calls me, and I think I'll be blogging next about how the internet is both my "best" friend and worst enemy...especially when it comes to sleeping!!!

photos from "The Best Laid Plans" part 2

2008-08-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

Where the keys resided for , well, five hours...the trunk of the Audi A4Guillaume using the on site security's cell phone to call Audi Assistance...
Guillaume said this photo "says it all!!" Ellie (that would be me) expressing her delight at the change of plans...
American Locksmith to the rescue...

photos from "The Best Laid Plans" part 1

2008-08-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

Approaching the beach, the sun had made good on burning off the fog...Guillaume astride Geraldine -- his mighty mare for the ride...
Slightly out of order, approaching the beach still -- the fog still lingering...
Guillaume and Ellie astride Geraldine and Rocky...
The beautiful beach/coast of the Monterey Peninsula ...

the mole hills will soon be mountains

2008-08-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here with piles of other things I should be doing -- literally piles: piles of pink envelopes containing wedding invitations which really should have been sent by now, piles of washing that needs to be folded and hung up which really should have been done weeks ago (I have been enacting a new organizational system which includes dumping the clean clothes on the floor, and then in the morning rummaging to find the outfit for the day -- crinkled and all), piles of sliced cheese waiting to be assembled into a cheese and pickle sandwich, piles of dishes waiting to be loaded into the dishwasher -- wait, I did accomplish depleting that pile...

But no, rather than conquer the piles around me, I am on the computer roaming blog after blog, being provoked, poked, and inspired as I hop from one blog to another, as I scroll through postings of other bloggers -- bloggers scattered throughout the country, bloggers whose names I don't know, who write articulately, who wax eloquence, and put forth their ideas, their ideals, their life. All the while as I read running my head is commentary, from the time I got up this morning my mind has been amuck with thoughts bursting at the seams, thoughts just begging to be stretched and pulled into posts...

From being out of tea, to what I threw on to go and get tea bags, to church, to wedding, to tv shows, to apartment postings, to you name it each arena of my life today seems to be rushing through this filter and my mind itches to just sit and write, to whittle away the day expanding on my thoughts...

But alas the piles await me, and as much as I long to continue my journey through the bloggersphere, and wish to lose myself in the art of writing, I do wish to have a somewhat productive day and despite the 100 + wedding invites addressed, no one will be attending if I don't get them out -- only 39 days!!!

Back By Popular Demand

2008-08-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

My fiance of four months has been pestering me to return to the blogging world, I believe he perceives my postings to be a window into my crazed soul...

I may have been absent from submitting my own posts, and in truth my mind had been absent from collecting thoughts, but I've reactivated it, I hadn't been absent from the blogging world. I am what is referred to as a lurker. I rarely post a comment on the blogs that I read, and more so I keep adding to the blogs that I view. Recently I discovered some new blogs and I found my afternoon fading into dusk as I read post after post, after blog after blog and I'm always startled by what you discover online. It fascinates me to see how others use the medium of blogging to communicate and socialize in this world.

Primarily through a site called blognosh I found listings of other blogs -- the cool thing about blognosh is that is parcels the postings into categories: politics, family, relationships, etc and so you can discover a specific post, but then if it tickles the senses then you can jump to the blog as a whole.

I've also noticed this quering of the purpose of blogging. Dan Parkins over on the Fire wrote about what his posts have looked like and will look like. A newly discovered blogger here, is currently taking a sabbatical, after having written 2500 posts in 5 years and has come away from the experience slightly drained and bruised -- there seems to have been some intense discussion and discord due to some of his postings. Another blog that I discovered is one of a man who writes anonymously about his and his wife's attempt to get pregnant -- from his perspective, and one of his latest posts was about how after 16 months they are still no closer to getting pregnant and now the humor and challenge has dissipated, and he had numerous comments from readers expressing sympathy and empathy -- people who don't KNOW him but know him to be more real than perhaps the person who they sit beside in the office cubicle.

This blogging world is still an unknown to me. I started blogging two years ago, although my first blog was not this URL. I have waned in recent months in posting as I muled over the purpose of my blogging and what I hope to accomplish through it and with it, if anything. I'm still unclear to what I want my blog to look like, or what I hope to use it for -- at the very least I know it shouldn't be static, but how to bridge that gap is where the waters are murky; at the very least I'm making a slow return to the blogging world!!!

The Best Laid Plans...

2008-08-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

The day dawned bright and clear. I had been eagerly anticipating the day. I had planned, although not to the minute a day of enjoyment for Guillaume and I, and I was eager to treat him and make the day a memorable one. Well, it turns out that the day has now become a memorable day, but not perhaps for the reason I had set out for it to be.

Off to Monterey we caverned to actually take a horseback ride along the Pacific Grove Coast, the 17 mile Drive to be precise. The minute we step into the stables area we can see that the horse ride is not perhaps going to be as strenuous as hoped or expected, the horses look a little worn. Looks weren't deceiving in this case, the horses we rode and the horses that are stabled at the Pebble Beach Equestrian Center are on loan from the Heartland Ranch, and are typically the horses that are too old for more than gentle walking, or have step issues. They spend a few years at the stables then back to the ranch to be put out to pasture. Needless to say our ride was a gentle, methodical meandering ride along the coast and through the trees.

However, the scenery was beautiful. The coastline is amazing. We were fortunate that the fog burnt off and that we could enjoy the sun and sea breeze. The horses plodded along. Geraldine nearly sinking into the dunes with Guillaume on her back -- I wasn't sure if it should have been the other way, Geraldine on Guillaume's back ;) (As soon as I pass the camera to Guillaume I'll post some pics).

We both mentally make the best of the ride, realizing that it isn't perhaps what it could have been. For me I'm anticipating FOOD. I had packed a picnic lunch, and was pleased that the weather had cooperated and before us stretched an afternoon of fun in the sun and around Carmel or Monterey. The best laid plans, are just that -- laid but not executed, especially when you add in a secondary person.

We're coming in off the trail and Guillaume asks me, "Do you have your wallet?" Ellie: "No, it's in the car, I'll run and grab a tip." G:" Well, the keys are in the car too -- in the trunk actually." You see Guillaume deviated from his routine and took the car key off of the keys, and in putting things into the trunk had placed the car key between the rubber inlays of the trunk, and proceeded to shut the trunk. He did this prior to the beginning of our ride, but was kind enough not to let me know until AFTER the ride.

Easy, Guillaume says, I'll just borrow a wire hanger and probe and push the button on the key, which is stuck between the trunk and rubber inlays. Hmm, well not so easy as it turns out.

Before I continue let me complete the picture: We are both hungry, thirsty, and everything but the camera (of which the battery was low and then gone, preventing me from capturing the oh so inspiring transpiring events) is in the car -- we have no money, no nada.

Guillaume, who possesses the uncanny ability to merely ask for what he wants proceeds to ask the employee of the Stables for assistance: first she calls the on site security, out they come -- but to no avail, because the Audi A4 is theft preventable, and a simple door unlocking device (Read flat metal pole) is not going to penetrate the Audi wall of protection. Meanwhile Guillaume has procured use of the stables' internet to discover the Audi Assistance number. Finally reach them, establish a connection. Around 3PM we receive the call back, they will be there within 30 minutes - GREAT!!

Locksmith arrives 330PM (by now we've been semi stranded for two hours), locksmith pumps open the door, in goes the narrow metal prod, angled just so. And prod and poke he does -- for 60 minutes...Guillaume offers instructions, the locksmith asks if Guillaume happens to be an engineer, I promptly answer "YES!!!" I've given up, I wander off to find a patch of grass and contemplate whether it is ok to bargain with God. I hear a faint clap and chime of the alarm. Still reluctant to get my hopes up, I stay situated. Another 10 minutes pass, and yes we are in -- wallets, phones, keys, LIFE safely back in our possession. 3 and a half hours past the time we finished the ride.

You can rest assured that Guillaume will NOT live this down, and he checks surreptitiously for his keys at all times now. We also learnt just how dependent we are on things, and not necessarily people. We learnt about each other (I don't do well when I don't eat), (oh I'm rather tenacious), and much more. One is the fact of our dependence on things versus our dependence on people, and at the very least my reluctance to ask people for aid (it wasn't as if all hope was lost and we were stranded on some desert island...) -- but more on that in the future posts!!

I'm leaving all the days out to Guillaume from here on out...

summer holiday

2008-06-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

We're all going on a summer holiday
no more working for a week or two.
Fun and laughter on our summer holiday,
no more worries for me or you,
for a week or two.

We're going where the sun shines brightly
we're going where the sea is blue.
we've all seen it on the movies,
now let's see if it's true.

Everybody has a summer holiday
doin' things they always wanted to
So we're going on a summer holiday,
to make our dreams come true
for me and you.
for me and you.

Lyrics courtesy of Cliff Richards. As children in England we would sing this changing “work” to “school”…but English school children don’t start their summer holiday until the end of July and go back beginning of September. Imagine my brother and I’s delight when we moved to California and discovered we were released to summer vacation in early June (and my parents’ dismay)!!

Marissa is on cloud nine now that summer vacation is upon us. Every morning there is a different variation of her unique summer vacation song, and this grin that splits her face and makes her eyes sparkle is ever present.

She likes “school” – she only goes three days a week, mornings only, yet something innate seemed to kick in with the announcement of the advent of summer vacation and the end of school for a season. Her exuberance for life has only been heightened by this release to freedom. Everything is cause for celebration – going for a walk, the shining sun, the time to have picnics, not rush to get dressed, summer projects – right now as I write this she is busy at play (I wrote this a few days ago) – I’ve offered to play, I have projects awaiting her attention, but she is more than content to busy herself with pretend play. There is a steady stream of chatter from her as she directs the ‘Little People” and creates vivid stories – the ‘Little People' are going on a trip – the airplane needed fixing – everything is plotted and thought out, yet the story flows with ease.

My job has always been much more than a job – if my eyes and ears are open I learn something each and every day I’m with Marissa and Michael.

The simple pleasure of enjoying life – of expressing enthusiasm for life, of walking with exuberance unable to stop that slight skip, and certainly never able to stop that song . We do each have a song to sing, if only we embraced that freedom and sang it aloud, or at the very least loud enough for God to hear it.

So here’s to summer vacation and all things summery!! (Besides this is my last summer as a non married woman, 80 days -- I even have Guillaume tracking the days)!!!

play doh

2008-06-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

I have a love-hate relationship with play doh. I enjoy that squishy sensation, that ability to squeeze and mold to my heart's content, and crumple it back into a blob if I'm not satisfied with the finished product. I like the vibrancy of colors (although I've yet to see truffle chocolate or raspberry pink), and the challenge to not mix the colors, yet the joy of in the right combination of colors.

Yet that smell, that slightly salty smell and bitter taste that lingers on your hands, that greasy sensation between your fingers, that even with soap still persists. And don't get me started on the germs (ok, well I don't need any starting because I was heading there anyway!) The germs from your hand that are captured in the "doh" - I am slightly neurotic about washing hands before playing with "doh," but still. Think about it. The germs from your hands to the doh, and then the doh is caught back and sealed in the airtight pot, preserving the germs for the next use.

I hope that the slight salty substance is what perhaps keeps the germs at bay; but still when it comes to playing with play doh, I have to turn off that part of my brain or I'd never touch the stuff!!

Just a short one today -- more to come...81 days (I have a blog just about that set to hit the press in the next day or so, not to mention the previous blogs that were deleted prior, and then there's the amazing accomplishment of my pastor completing an Ironman race this past weekend, plus all those over ones that I hinted at in the previous post). Anywho, like I said best to shut my mind off from a few things :)

ARGH

2008-06-19T23:46:00.001-07:00

Slightly peeved...I just typed up three or four blogs, and thought they were saved, but nooooo -- SO frustrating, beyond frustrating...oh well. But those thoughts, now gone to the wind, argh -- some are written down on paper, but still there is that free flow that comes and now gone, all gone, and I can't capture them back -- argh, really now I am HOT and BOTHERED, and BOTHERED some more. All those thoughts, all those words, GONE -- never to be had again. Shared with no one, lost in cyberworld. My fault really, I was hitting save now, but rather than go to new post, I hit save now -- alright, not going to rewrite anymore tonight, need to let the rascals out, and maybe a shower, and maybe attempt to sleep. I am so hot, and while yes I am hot in that sense, I merely mean I am sweltering hot, it is too hot to sleep, too hot to move, hot!!!

A gradual return

2008-06-19T22:41:00.001-07:00

So it has been a while again since my last posting. I have some archived, so to speak, but I don't think you would appreciate a slew of posts, so maybe I'll use them as back up posts in the next day or two. I have to finish my Spring Reading Review Post, officially it is over June 21st -- summer is upon us, and believe me there is no doubt that summer is here with 100 degree weather here in California. In fact, the heat is what is currently keeping me from succumbing to sleep, that and the fact that I felt I needed to post at least one blog, but I finished a book first, then roamed a little on the net, and am now settling in to write -- hello readers :)

So today I braved the department store, yes "braved" -- I've never been one to be enthralled with shopping. Some days I don't mind browsing, other times I am very specific and would rather get in and out. What I especially find difficult to tackle is having to shop for very specific items, knowing that I am most likely not to return victorious. However, that wasn't the case this afternoon. I headed to Macy's during the early part of this afternoon with the hope to purchase the undergarments for my wedding dress, needed soon -- even though we are still 86 days from officially wearing the dress -- I need to get some alterations. Well, a friend had recommended "Maidenform" and I actually had great success. So much success in fact that earlier this evening I had to make sure that the undergarments did indeed work under the dress, so I tried on the dress and viola they worked, and guess what??? I'm going to be a bride in 86 days. Something about putting the dress on this time made it seem very real and that much closer, and if it weren't for the sweltering heat I probably wouldn't have taken the dress off!!! Now I just need to find shoes, but one step of courage a week!

I have a post concerning my approaching nuptials, but I post it in it's entirety soon enough.

I also have a post ruminating in my brain about marriage, affairs, trends, and the jealous type -- and what Guillaume has to be worried about in the future!!

Speaking of upcoming posts I have one about play doh, one about my neurosis', summer vacation, dissatisfaction, and being home from France -- something to tantalize you all.

Do you ever get the sense that you're a mere vapor, and that you could easily float away? Yesterday as I was with Guillaume I had this sense of being slight, of being present, but not really, that with a slight wind I would float away, or that with a little water I would dissipate. It was a strange sensation. A little bit like seeing yourself from above, but not an outer body experience (I've had one of those before), more like this vague sense that it was all temporal, including my body, and that my body and spirit were disconnected, and that there wasn't anything grounding me -- very odd.

Speaking of details, I further initiated Guillaume into the world of Ellie. In fact I probably should start tempering the initiating until we actually do make that vow of commitment (have you noticed how I weave the marriage into nearly every thought?!) Anywho I had been busy cleaning, and had just finished when Guillaume returned home from work. He asked me about my day, at which point I told him about my day -- in vivid detail and I do mean detail. But I didn't do it to be annoying, it was just my way to expel thousands of little words that had been stored up, and he asked, so I answered. When I was finished, he laughed (he's been doing that a lot lately, laughing at me -- I think he finds me endearing ;)) and off handly mentioned that I must not have spoken to my mum much today. "I thought you wanted me to share more with you," Ellie jokingly replies. Turns out that the sharing of more is reserved for the deep crevices of life!! He tried to imitate with his telling of his day, but he just doesn't possess that kind of talent to vividly recall his detail and share each detail down to times, the rational behind not having eaten something, to the order of progression of my day.

I probably think that the above is enough to hold you over until another update from the soon to be Mrs pops up.

3 AM - yes, AM meaing the morning!

2008-06-06T17:51:00.001-07:00

It is nearly 3 in the morning here in France and I find myself unable to succumb to sleep, so of course the best recourse is to aimlessly read blogs, and hope that sleep calls my name. I was beginning to hear the faint whisper of my name, when the light from the glowing mac illuminated this rather sinewy legged spider crawling past my shoulder, which means it crawled behind me, and then further up the wall. To put it mildly that faint whisper of my name that sleep was uttering is no more, so I took to finishing reading blogs and thought to myself what a perfect opportunity to write a blog posting of my own, so here I am posting a blog at 3 in the morning when really I should be sleeping but alas. I am sure the morning will come all too soon and the birds will herald the rising of the sun in but a few hours.

I reread my earlier post and you must forgive me for my spelling and grammar, a funny thing has happened since being here in France, I've found my English has been left behind. Something mentally shifts when the majority of your audible intake is French. You find yourself thinking in French, even though you can't actually think in French - I can't even string together a sentence, let alone maintain a thought process in the language, yet in the recess of my mind I hear French, and I think I understand it.

My comprehension of the language is growing, it helps to know the context of the conversation and then I can more easily follow, and my retention is growing - I do know words, but what is once again failing me is the simple ability to speak - I can speak neither in French nor in English. I open my mouth and am lost at what I should utter. I stumble over my English words, part because you become accustomed to hearing broken and/or simple English, and therefore think it is necessarily to speak likewise, and secondly because there is this desire to speak French, and in your mind you can hear it fluently, and then viola - nothing!!!

It has been a trip worth more than words that I could type. To be able to see Guillaume in his kingdom, for it truly is his kingdom, has been a delight. To see the love expressed by his family towards him, and in turn towards me because of the love they have for him has been a delight. It has been enlightening to see Guillaume "French" and to begin to grow relationships with his family.

As with most of Europe France, and the Alsace region is rich with history. It pulls at my creativity and imagination. Just earlier today, "MeMe" - Guillaume's grandma on his mother's side shared a story of his grandfather, and how during WW2 he was given the moniker "Man of 5 Uniforms" - he wore five different uniforms during the war: French, German, Russian, English, and then French again under 'de Gaulle.' Alsace has long been a divided region, having at numerous times throughout history belonged to Germany and France. In fact in the hills just beyond Guillaume's family home there is an extensive fort. It was built in the late 1800s by the Germans when at one point Strasbourg (the closest city) was annexed by the Germans. Unfortunately when we visited Strasbourg on Monday (lundi) the musuem was closed, but the plan is to visit tomorrow to discover more of the rich history of the area.

It has been a trip rich with little gems.

I do know that at one point during our journey of "togetherness" we will find ourselves inhabiting this land of the French, and I am sure that when that time comes the floodgates of pen to paper will pour forward.

I have much more to comment on -- things such as riding a bike in Parisan traffic, being able to watch the women's and men's quarter final at the Roland Grasso, the Musee Rodin, cheek kissing...BUT seeing as the clock is set to chime at the fourth hour mark in just 45 minutes I should perhaps force myself to listen to sleep's call, and succumb to the land of dreams.

Bon Nuit

in brief - Thursday June 5th

2008-06-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

Let me give you a whirlwind summary of life here in France for the past few days...

I'll start backwards:

Yesterday we celebrated Guillaume's 29th birthday -- Happy Birthday Guillaume - at a 3 star (the highest honor) Restaurant: L'Arnsbour - check out the website here.

So let me just jot down the food intake...first you are presented with menu and we ordered an entree (which coincidently is the appetizer, not the main dish as it is the US, "entree" meaning entry), plat (main dish), and dessert. I ordered this truffle and potato dish -- sliced truffle, and a supped up mash potato - very creamy, then lamb which was served with a tomato and olive "thing," risotto, and an eggplant concoction (yes, ok I don't exactly have the culinary vernacular to describe the dishes, but anyway you'll begin to get the picture, just bear with me). The dessert ordered was chocolate torte with ice cream from Tahiti.

BUT, and this a big but, before you even are presented with your entree comes this wde array of delicacies. I can't quite remember the order, most will be listed in order, but some may not be:

mini macaroon flavored with spices and in the middle foie gras gel
mini squid ink flavored macaroon with eel gel
a taste of alsace (The region) - which included: a mini tarte flambate, this beer thing on a spoon, sticks of rhubard with salt, roasted pine nuts
mini english breakfast: bacon, egg, tomatoes, mushrooms
parmasean cheese sandwich -- the crackers were parmaesan cheese and inside was a chunk of p. cheese
oyster and then coke foam and lime foam - on a spoon (see pics)
a tribute to corn: three spoons with various toppings, can't actually remember what they were - one did include cavaier...(see pic)
then i think our entree came
after the entree - incidentally a truffle and potato cappacinco (forgive my spelling)
now my memory is shot, but somewhere in here we had a pina coloda on a spoon - rum gel, coconut cream, and whatever other ingredient i'm missing...
after our plat -- there was more: this array of mini desserts: brandy snaps -- sort of, one flavored rose and the other, not sure...then passion fruit gel thing, muffin type thing, pineapple and meringue
bitter almond cream with ice cream and a coffee flavored macaroon.
homemade marshmallow - think "flumps" - bon bons, chocolates, caramels...
rose champagne, red wine, cafe..

It was to put it mildly extravagant, overwhelming, and amazing... The flavors overtake you. The contrasts of the food, how they either compliment or contrast. It was an experience that is tantalizing to your senses, all your senses. Everything from the scenery, to the food, to the service. The restaurant is set in the middle of seemingly nowhere, surrounded by lush greenery, forests, a bubbling brook, and quaint French homes. The rain was pouring hard, a light mist hang around the building. The coloring was vivid. It was one of those times where I wish I was a photographer as to capture the scenes. For example, next to us on the veranda outside there was an old desk -- a large wooden desk with one large drawer in the center, it had a beam across it, and the rain was puddling around it, with a brook in the foreground, the trees shimmering with rain...picturesque is not an adequate word to describe it.

The service was impeccable. They met your needs before you even knew you had one.

The whole meal taking four hours, could have been longer but Bernard had to leave to get to a meeting. It was a lovely way to celebrate G's 29th birthday. A memory captured and treasured!!

and more...

2008-06-06T05:52:00.000-07:00

In the woods of Guillaume's "Kingdom" - in the background there is mini fort...

Strasbourg - G and E

View from the Cathedral - Strasbourg

It was raining - at the hotel adjoining the restaurant where we celebrated G's 29th birthday --
Strasbourg -- it was very hot and humid this day -- Monday

more pics

2008-06-06T05:44:00.000-07:00

view from the court -- pretty cool to have the view of the tour eiffel and then i especially liked the three flags captured...

one of the many mini delicacies served between courses, or more appropriately before the entree -- i'll blog about it eventually, i promise...

dessert - chocolate torte

oyster - and then on the spoon is coke foam and lime foam...another one of those inbetween delicacies

the restaurant where we ate...

some pics

2008-06-06T05:35:00.000-07:00

E and G -- G had been showing me his vast "Kingdom" in Mittlehausbergen (little house on hill - i think).

Roland Grasso - women's 1/4 final - Safina won...

My entree (appetizer) - truffe with pomme (truffle with potato - like a mash, but not really..)

Lamb - excellent -- cut like butter, succulent...tomato and olive mixture, and then risotto - not pictured...

Roland Garros - men's 1/4 final - monsfils -- French tennis player -- he won...beat the spaniard!!

just over -- will it make it?

2008-05-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

One last random post before I head off to SFO. My suitcase is packed, it may be a little over -- weighing in at approximately 51 lbs, so I am not sure if my scale adds extra weight, that happens, right? I may be shifting some weight around once I get to the airport. I do have quite a bit. I couldn't decide what I would need, so I think I have half my wardrobe -- and five pairs of shoes.

My hair worked today, which is ironic seeing as it hasn't cooperated in weeks, but I guess if it starts out well then it bodes well for the flight. Wow, I'm heading off to the airport in just under a hour.

I really should pack the last few things, make sure I have everything, rather than write a blog post.

Bon Voyage my friends!!

some quotes to ponder

2008-05-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

"When it comes to love, there is no gray area in France. If French love were a set of traffic lights, it would have no yellow. Green or red-its either all or nothing."

The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no problems to overcome. The ‘hill to plow’ would not be half so wonderful if there we no dark valleys to traverse.
~Helen Keller~

The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down"...Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps.

more randomness

2008-05-28T20:07:00.000-07:00

Not only did I return to the blogger-sphere yesterday after a 24 day hiatus I also returned to kick boxing, after a I can't quite count that high hiatus!!

It wasn't a high intensity, but it was tough -- it was a weight training session and cardio boxing night. For some reason my arms don't ache that much, but what do ache are my legs -- my quads, my hips, and bending and standing up again -- well, I can certainly feel the workout. Add to that working today and bending and lifting and toting around a 30lb toddler (who is sick again).

I am not someone who actually enjoys working out, or even exercising overly. I do it because one: I feel that I should. I feel that I should take care of my body. I feel that God has given me this life and that I should take care of it. Well, and second I am a little vain -- I like to look good, but I do like to feel good, and I must admit working out does achieve those two objectives! But I don't overly enjoy sweating. I don't particularly like the process of working out and feeling my muscles stretch and be pulled apart. I've come to enjoy working out on the elliptical in my apartment's gym, but that is because I can put on the headset and watch TV while I go-go-go!!

Anywho, stay tuned for some more posts -- if you're lucky. I have to tell you of my roommate and their exploits -- odd couple, anyone?!

Oh and as per the request of my aging father (what we are all aging) notice that the text is in red, and the previous one too!!

where did it go?

2008-05-27T23:16:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that June is just four days away? Where oh where did May go?!

It's been a busy month that's for sure, and the busyness isn't about to subside that's for sure...

Let's see what can I tell you: well, with June approaching I am that much closer to becoming Mrs. Ellie Egles - 109 days to be exact.

Hmm, I cut my thumb the other day when I was cutting bread. Now logically you would think that I cut myself with a bread knife, but no I cut myself on the bread. Talented, yes I am.

Then the other day I burnt my finger -- my pointer finger, on my knuckle. In fact the very finger, the very knuckle that I like to pinch when I get nervous, etc. And well with a little blister I can't pinch at it, and well I need that little knuckle this week. You see I am heading to France this Friday to meet my future in laws, and you could say I am a little anxious. Not so much in meeting them as "people" more because they are French, and more precisely the fact that they speak French and I don't. I speak English and they don't.

My fiance (anytime I say that I am reminded of the Seinfeld episode where Seinfeld, Elaine, and George go to a party in Long Island at George's insistence. One of the guests asks Elaine if she has seen her "Fiance." The conversation continues: "I've lost my FIANCE. My FIANCE is upstairs..." Etc). Anywho, Guillaume, left on a jet plane last Thursday (and he does know when he will be back - John Denver song...). He is currently in Israel working, and I will meet him on Saturday at the bus terminal at the Frankfurt airport.

This post isn't overly exciting but I did want to post. I really can't believe I only posted one other time in May. Wow -- something is not ticking that's for sure, I've got to get back on it. Oh, I read a great blog post earlier today here

Ok, that's all for now -- more maybe before I waddle across the pond!

...some shots from the cruise...

2008-05-02T20:54:00.000-07:00

Heading Out To Open Sea...Leaving San Francisco Bay...

...Getting Ready To Head To The Seemingly Pointless "The Boat Is Sinking" Drill...

...Don't I Look So Adorable With My Helmet On??!!...Bike Riding In Vancouver...

...Tasting Frog's Legs...They Were Pretty Tasty...

...Posing Out In The Wind On Formal Night...

a reason

2008-05-02T00:37:00.000-07:00

Not just wordless Wednesday, but wordless every day. Wow, what a twirling swirling past few weeks!! Guillaume proposed Sunday April 6th, I then worked long hours, prepared for a trip, and set sail - literally - for a 7 day cruise with my good friend, Alison. We cruised the Pacific Northwest taking in points of interest in such places as Astoria, Seattle, Vancouver, and Victoria (note pictures in next post, and maybe watch for some fun cruise related stories, or then again not)!!

Get back from the cruise wedding talks begin in earnest. Wedding talks put on hold - slight conflict over venue and location, ahem: I see America, I see France, Guillaume won't being seeing Ellie's underpants!!! *laugh* - wow I've been gone from blogging far too long. Seriously, please take the above in the right frame of mind (do you remember that old rhyme? maybe not seeing as it went: "I see England, I see France, I see *insert name* underpants" - ), anyways, moving right along. Wedding talks stalled, Guillaume sick -- I'm getting that whole in "sickness and health" part down, it is love right, when you can listen to your man throw up and not hustle on home?! Parents down, wedding talks resume (Guillaume may just see Ellie's underpants, but until September 13 because now the State of California will say he legally can)!!!

With all that and more, blogging didn't take high priority. But I did miss the thrill and the adventure of writing. Of not quite knowing what is next, what will my mind instruct my fingers to type, so here I am, returned from the abyss and while I would like to promise that my return is for good, I cannot. What I can promise though is that if I motivate my mind and fingers with just the right pull I have some great stories to share. Right now however I need to race back downstairs and retrieve my contact stuff, and then I think my bed is every so softly (who am I kidding, it is yelling with a forceful insistence) calling to me!!!

pictures finally did follow -- a few shots from the day the question was posed!!

2008-05-02T00:35:00.000-07:00

the silence has been broken

2008-05-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

Guillaume and I met at church. He was friends with my brother, Ronnie, first. Overtime our friendship grew and we started spending more and more time together. We often went to the movies together and shared conversation over food. I remember the moment I knew I loved him. We weren't yet dating, but were close friends. We were leaving from our tradition of weekly family night dinner, and as we left together he paused at his car, and started sharing a recent growth. (No, not an ingrown toenail)!!! As I got in my car that night - I knew. I knew that I loved this man. It wasn't until some weeks later that Guillaume expressed his love for me, that was October 30, 2007 from that point on we were girlfriend and boyfriend, and as of April 6th we are affianced.

What do I love about Guillaume? I'm so glad you asked! He is this quintessential mix of soft cuddly teddy bear and knight in shining armor. He embraced the people most important to me with joy and exuberance, and continues to do so.

He has a deep love and passion for Jesus Christ, his Lord and Saviour, our Lord and Saviour. He strives to live as Jesus has called him to do so. I love his giggle, and that I can elicit it at whim with a mere tickle! I love his chuckle, and how it reverberates in his chest. I love how his eyes crinkle when he smiles. I love his strength. I admire his loyalty, to his family and friends. I admore his quest for knowledge. I admire his generosity. I admire his eagerness. Sometimes he reminds me of a little boy, and I want to catch him up and hold him close.

The countdown is on for the day we move from fiancé and fiancée to husband and wife, as of today 134 days!!! People have been both quick to offer congratulations and startled joy at the swiftness of a date.

We're four cultures melding together: English, English tainted American with 13 years experience, French, French tainted American with 6 years of experience and countless years of Columbo and Seinfeld Americano!!

Our aim is that our wedding and consequently our marriage, be a reflection of our faith in Christ Jesus. It is our hope and prayer that on September 13 as we stand before family and friends promising to love, honor, and cherish each other that our words and actions reflect the promise that God has made to each and every one of us - a promise to love and cherish us, a promise to call us His own.

Both Guillaume and I have embraced that promise for our lives, and have lived out that promise, often stumbling along the way, but always cocooned in the eternal love of God.

The weeks to come promise to be full of decisions, lessons, and surprises as we edge closer to September 13; but the most amazing and joy-filled decision has already been made (and no, it isn't the decision to get married, although that is a close second), but it is the decision we both made at intersections of our own lives to say "I do" to the promise of love offered by God through His Son. It is with that love and example of God in mind that I smile at the prospect of September 13 and the days preceding and proceeding that day of double "I do"s!

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-06T22:56:00.000-07:00

Really that's all I have to say - I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!! Guillaume proposed this afternoon at approximately 2pm, and I said "yes" and I am thrilled, ecstatic, slightly reeling -- and as luck would have it both Guillaume and I have a cold :) BUT I love him, I love him, I love him. And as soon as we pick a date, I can't wait to count down the days to the day when we get to actually say "I do" and I will be Mrs. Eleanor Egles, and I upgrade from calling him fiance to calling him my husband!!

Pictures to follow!!!

California Poppys in Wordless Wednesday

2008-04-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

A Little Something More...

2008-04-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago Guillaume showed me how to link in websites where you have the handy little "here" and as you click it you are rerouted to the site. Or not just "here" but take the most recent blog: "article," "younger brother's blog," and "April Fool's Day" and if you wiggle your cursor over those and click, ta-da you are redirected. Since learning this little nugget of fun, I've employed the usefulness of it throughout my postings -- something about knowing a little trick spurs me to use it, so wiggle and click away!!!

Abstinence, new blog, and AFD

2008-04-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

Tantalizing Tuesday in brief.

Check out this article on abstinence, specifically abstinence clubs at Ivy League Universities. The article is rather long and detailed, and offers a varied view on abstinence, but it does hold some level of tantalizing goodness.

Second degree of tantalization is my younger brother's blog. He has been posting more frequently of late, and his posts are full of gleaming nuggets of truth as he posts what God is revealing to Him through His Word. Especially smile tugging are his post titles.

One final piece of tantalization: check out wikipedia's definition and explanation of April Fool's Day. Turns out that it may have originated in France, just what my Froggy needs another "hat's off"!! As it happens the new year wasn't celebrated on January 1st, but April 1st until the mid 1500s, and when January 1st became the official day of celebration, April 1st became an open book for people to pull pranks on those that didn't know the switch had occurred. Also the French seem to have a slight obsession with fish on April Fool's Day.

One prank of interest that was listed involved an English Football Coach, Harry Redknapp (who my dad knows, hence the heightened interest), who during his time as West Ham Coach was interviewed on a Saturday Football show discussing the change of rules regarding the goal size...I'm curious: Mum, Dad - do you remember this???

A slow news day for me, and little enhancement of the not so spicy tantalization -- but more to hit the blog shortly.

Manic Monday

2008-03-31T23:48:00.000-07:00

"Just another manic Monday, wish it was Sunday, 'cause that's my fun day..." At least that's how the lyrics keep repeating themselves in my head! Of course it is Monday, most radio stations can't resist the urge to play this song, and as the speakers carried the sound this morning I thought about Sunday being "her" fun day, and I realized that this was true for this past Sunday, for me.

It wasn't fun in the conventional sense. Sunday for me means going to a building to meet with others who worship and give praise to the same God, the one true God. It means meeting with others in love to encourage, exhort, and be taught. This Sunday it also meant orchestrating a celebration following the initial gathering. By and large it was a success. People stayed to share burgers and hot dogs and to share a little bit more of life. It was FUN. I was tired, my feet ached (note to self: don't wear three inch heels on a day that you are going to be on your feet for 6 hours)!!! But it was fun to see an event from start to finish. It was fun to execute a plan. It was fun to see how people stayed and relaxed in the company of others. It was fun to serve with others who had a passion and a desire to see the event successful. I wouldn't necessarily rate this fun as needing it on a weekly basis, but it certainly is the type of fun that is needed from time to time.

Mundane Monday continues with the following thoughts:

*I've read 5 books from my Spring Reading Challenge, having just finished Jodi Picoult's latest earlier today.
*I watched "Schindler's List" last night for the first time, and seeing many of the images projected on the screen of the treatment of the Jews during the 40s was mind boggling, and in a way unimaginable. Yet not only was it imaginable, it happened, and in other parts of the world the same slaughter and blatant mistreatment of humanity continues.
*My IT hunk helped me on my blog with helping YOU stay in touch - note sidebar.
*Tantalizing Tuesday hits the blogsphere for another edition tomorrow...

give thanks with a grateful heart

2008-03-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

As I went about my day today I allowed the prompts to be thankful resonate. The night before I had checked to see what my "theme" for Thursday was, and "Thankful Thursday" blinked back at me. Now as I sit to write out what I am thankful for this sunny day, the words of an old chorus came to mind: Give thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks to the Holy One, give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son. As the words repeated through my mind I began to think that as much as the things that I am thankful for count, that the bottom line is no matter what does or doesn't transpire in the day my heart and mind has reason to be thankful every hour for what God has done for me in the giving of His Son.

The beauty of "gift of Jesus" is that it means new life, and with that new life is the wonder that fills my days. Throughout the day I was thankful for many things, and rather than look at the negatives of the day, I turned my heart to the positives and the multiple things of which I am thankful for, ranging from cooler weather, to cute shoes, to my lovely IT guy - although until he pointed it out, I didn't know to be thankful for his assitance (more on this later), to home cooked meals, and the love and conversation of family, to community, and awareness, to sunshine, to stillness and movement...and much more.

What are YOU thankful for this week???

Wordless Wednesday, sort of!!

2008-03-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

from blue and emerald to murky muddy!!

2008-03-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

For Tuesday Postings I aim to scope out a news story of interest to me and post my thoughts, comments, etc on the story. In today's first edition of "Tantalizing Tuesday" I have a story regarding Lake Tahoe - to read the actual article click here.

In summary research was released that reveals that it is a likely possibility that in the next decade the striking blue and emerald water of Lake Tahoe will in fact be reduced to a murky muddy color, due in a large part to 'global warming.' The article goes on to detail how the Lake generates such breathtaking beauty of color, and that is related to the flow of oxygen at the bottom of the Lake and mixing that occurs every four years, which stirs the algae growth upward. Like I said click above for the article.

The story covering Lake Tahoe caught my attention because a couple of weeks I had the pleasure of visiting Squaw Valley with Dad, and from the high point you can look back at Lake Tahoe, and at the time it was surrounded by snow capped mountains, and looked breathtaking. In scanning the horizon my dad and I were discussing the Urban Legend that surrounds Lake Tahoe, and one consists of the possibility of a grave site existing underwater, and due to the icy cold temperatures and deep waters, the bodies have been preserved in death. If in fact there is any remote truth to this, then could it be possible that as time elapses and the temperature of the Lake rises, that the things from below could rise higher or decompose???

COMMERCIAL BREAK: I was interrupted from my thought flow by a visit from a most ardent admirer, but I'm back to finish so I can have blogged at least two days in a row, AND get to bed before 11, a minor miracle!!

Digressing from Urban Legend and all that lark, I would also like to take the issue of global warming and eco friendly, and going green, etc and pause momentarily. Of all the commands God gave his children, perhaps the one most neglected has been the one for us to take care of all that he made. The beauty of the earth is a gift from God, yet do we value it, give God the glory for it? I am not in the camp that places more importance on the quality of the environment other the life of a human; but I do feel we who profess a faith in Jesus Christ neglect our role. We too often abdicate our responsibility, be it our responsibility to care for the environment, to love all unabashedly, to fight for the right of life, to procure freedom, to tell others of Jesus…

Did you notice the windy path I made all over an article related to warming trend of Lake Tahoe?!

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog, but don’t be looking for any words!!

A Return

2008-03-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of returns. I returned to work after a two week break -- they were on vacation, cruising the Caribbean. It was lovely to be back, although it often takes a day or two for us all to get back into the swing of living life at home, as opposed to vacation living. But I sincerely missed Marissa and Michael, and was very glad to be back in their delightful company. A day with "M and M" is full of smiles and laughter, even if wrought with tired and cranky munchkins. For instance, Marissa mentioned this afternoon in attempting unsuccessfully to put the straw in the Capri Sun cartoon, that she just wasn't strong enough, and would have to start working out more, perhaps using her daddy's stairmaster!

I returned to Kickboxing after a 3 week little break - funny how that worked out. Working up to the motivation to go is difficult. I enjoy the results of working out, but I am not actually one of those people who enjoys the work out for the work out. I work out because I believe that I am called as a follower of Christ to not only take care of my spiritual body, but also my physical one, and that in not taking care of my body, I am in fact scoffing at the gift of life he has given me. However, my motivation to attend tonight wasn't quite so lofty, but was really so I could retrieve a book off of a friend, which leads me to my third 'return.'

I returned to reading and in my return I have read two books already. Reviews to follow, most likely not tonight as the clock is close to twelve chimes, and I've work early tomorrow. I read "Someday" by Karen Kingsbury yesterday evening, and read "Remember Me?" by Sophie Kinsella today. Oh but how I missed the pure enjoyment of a book in hand.

I returned to blogging. I know recently my blog postings have been few and far between, but I seek to remedy that, and am aiming to be more disciplined in my approach to this blog, and writing in general. On that allow me to introduce you to "Mundane Monday" - the first in my daily posting themes. Essentially Mundane Monday allows me to post and write at whim, as you can see from the above posting. Check back daily, well often end of the day daily, to see the other themes I've nailed down.

Well, I do reckon that my eyelids are officially heavy and that is a sure sign that I must heed the call to rest my weary body. One more thing -- I'm in love and I love, just wanted you all to know that!!!

Spring Reading List

2008-03-20T23:44:00.000-07:00

Over on Callapidder Days Katrina has once again set in motion the Spring Reading Challenge, and well seeing as I have gone 40 plus days without indulging in reading fiction, I am more than ready to hit the road running. Here is my list for the Spring Reading Challenge 2008
Change of Heart: Jodi Picoult - one of my favourite authors Someday: Karen Kingsbury - I can't help it, I know I could probably predict the story but still the book beckons Surrender Bay: Denise Hunter - a fan, especially because I enjoy being able to read her blog postings here
The Convenient Groom: Denise Hunter - the second in the Nantucket Series
Only Uni: Camy Tang - the second in the series
Watching The Tree Limbs: Mary DeMuth - I've been reading her blog for a number of years, and have yet to read her books and am eager to
Rebecca: Daphne du Maurier - can you believe I haven't read this Classic?!
The Beautiful and Damned: F. Scott Fitzgerald - one of my new roomie's favourites, and I figured why not read it
The Tempest: William Shakespeare - in watching "Shakespeare in Love" I realized I had never read this one of Shakespeare's
Anna Karenina: Leo Tolstoy - another classic, one that has been sitting on my shelf - might be slightly ambitious
Madame Bovary: Gustave - again on the shelf
Taming Rafe: Susan May Warren - who can resist the charm of the cowboy on the cover?!
Remember Me?: Sophie Kinsella - thoroughly enjoyed her "Shopoholic" series
Catch A Rising Star: Tracie Bateman
You Had Me At Goodbye: Tracie Bateman - was intrigued by the second in the series, but have a thing about reading the first one -- so that's why both are present. Stuck In The Middle: Virginia Smith -- the cover intrigues me, as does the title
Peculiar Treasures: Katie Weldon Series: Robin Jones Gunn -- Can I just say I am thrilled for this new series, and hope to not be disappointed. I was and still am a huge Christy Miller fan, and Katie was Christy's best friend!!
Deep In The Heart Of Trouble: Deanne Gist - a follow up to "Courting Trouble"
Solemnly Swear: Nancy Moser - it sounds intriguing
Learning To Fly: Roxanne Henke - enjoyed her previous titles The Message Version of the Bible

So above is twenty titles plus the Bible, and I could keep going but something green got in the way -- yes some of the titles I have, but some of them and some of the unlisted titles are currently occupying shelf space in various bookstores :) I haven't listed any NonFiction as I have just come off a bout of nonfiction including: Vintage Jesus, UnChristian, Blue Like Jazz, Lennon Bio, Freakanomics, some others too... Look forward to this challenge and hopefully writing reviews of the books that I read. I am also keen to reread many of the books that have sat idle on my shelves the past five weeks, but I didn't think they count too much!!

wordless wednesday

2008-03-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

I already failed at Wordless Wednesday, but perhaps I'll end the day wordless, you'll have to wait and see!!!

a theme?

2008-03-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

Me again. I realize I've been absent from posting for a number of days, and as always it isn't from a lack of material, merely from a lack of discipline of actually writing. To add to this is the comparison of a friend who blogs. In the early stages of being friends with Dan I would give him a hard time about not blogging, because there would be some weeks where nothing would appear new on the screen. However, he has been motivated to blog on a daily basis, and his blog is full of insights, recipes, stories, and much more and he blogs every day but Sunday. So with that looming over my shoulder, I once again would like to redevelop my blogging habits.

In some regard it be 'neat' to have what many have in that there is a theme for each day. At the very least it would force me to be disciplined to write within those confines, and would give direction as to the writing of the blog. I tend to write randomly with little theme permeating the process, but I think the time has come for a little discipline in this area of my life.

So here is what I'm thinking:
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday - I've read on many blogs various themes: Wordless Wednesday, Water Cooler Wednesday, Works for Me Wednesday, and more. I think I quite like the idea of Wordless Wednesday and allowing a picture to truly be worth a thousand words.
Thursday
Friday

Besides that one day theme, I am at a lost for theme based days -- but I will prevail, however if you have any ideas please feel free to leave a comment in the designated area. I am toying with the idea of quote of the week, book review, insight, random and quirky, lesson learnt -- but not settled on any as of yet.

passion week day three

2008-03-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

This week is "Holy Week." It is Passion Week. It is the week leading up to Easter, or more appropriately the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The Lead Pastor of my church issued a challenge to the congregation this week in an attempt to prepare for the crucifixion and resurrection. He has challenged us to mimic certain actions that echo Jesus' walk to Calvary, and furthermore echo the Jewish tradition of Passover. To read in detail go here.

Now to preface what I'm about to write, I would like to acknowledge the verses in Matthew where Jesus speaks about when you fast to not publicly announce it, and God will honor what you have done in secret - and in posting about fasting I'm not seeking accolades, or praise, but merely to speak of what I learnt from the process.

Yesterday I fasted. I abstained from food and drink, besides water, for the duration of the day. It was in correspondence with Jesus' day of starting his day cursing the fig tree for failing to bear fruit and ending with him witnessing the widow give all that she had. I chose to fast to redirect my thoughts to God, and allow it to serve as a process to put aside distractions.

Prior to yesterday I never quite realized how much food and the intake of it pervades my life. I am not constantly eating, but I am a snacker and as such have various snacks in my bag. Then throw in the adverts that speak of food, the people who walk by with Starbucks, the cups of Trail Mix, my mind was engaged in a battle. Typically I do not think about food so much during the day, but on the day that I decided that I would not partake the thought of food haunted me.

Each time that a thought of food drifted into my mind, I redirected it. The time that I would normally eat, I refocused my thoughts. In theory it worked, but truthfully I am not sure to what extent as by day's end I was weak, tired, and sorely desiring food.

However being in that state brought to light various paths of thought. The first of Jesus and his fasting for 40 days, and the level of temptation. I fasted for but a day, and in doing so I do believe it weakens your mind and body in other regards. Second as I went to sleep last night hungry, I couldn't help but think of the thousands, no millions who go without food on a daily basis and not by choice, but because they don't have access to food.

Fasting yesterday opened my eyes to things not seen during my normal day to day workings, and for that I am grateful and eager to see what other lessons through this week God has waiting for me to discover.

new graphic

2008-03-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

What do you think of my new top graphic? Courtesy of Guillaume, pixelmeter, and an image junkie from church. The image was a choice for Planet Earth - our mission emphasis month - it wasn't your typical mission's month (although sometimes I think atypical has become the new typical)! One Sunday two of our pastors - teaching and worship - were actually in Hungary and we Skyped in, additionally we called some other missionaries, and as a body we were able to hear brief testimonies of their ministries. Another week we viewed a documentary entitled, "A Cry From Iran" - the director, who was also the son of the Iranian martyred of whom the film depicted. Haik Hovsepian was martyred in the mid 90's in Iran, killed - brutally stabbed 27 times - for proclaiming his faith, for being steadfast in his commitment to the truth of who Jesus Christ was, is, and will forevermore be. Joseph, the son and director, shared following the documentary. He spoke Jesus' words: From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded. It is both an empowering statement and to a degree a fear inducing statement.

Here in America we live with so much and yet what are we doing with it. God calls for sacrifice. That's it in a nutshell - sacrifice. Haik said he was ready. Following his death, the members of the Iranian church wrote their wills, and generally expressed an equal readiness. Are we, am I - ready to die for what I believe? Is my life something of which would lead to death were Christianity a death sentence?

With Easter fast approaching, it becomes a time to reflect more deeply on the sacrifice that was made for you and me. A life sacrifice -- Jesus sacrificed his life in heaven and embodied humanity in the most humbling way, and then he gave up life once again as he was nailed to the cross. But before that ultimate sacrifice he sacrificed each step of the journey. He sacrificed his time, his talent, his relationships -- we may not be called in our lives to sacrifice our lives in the form of physical death, but are we ready to sacrifice our lives?

in the news

2008-03-10T17:27:00.001-07:00

Homeschooling California ruled that Homeschooled children need to be taught by credentialed teachers. California Governor Schwarzenegger promises to fight that ruling. I know many families who operate in the homeschool environment, and am eager to hear their thoughts.

Reading - Elizabeth Barrett is 17 months old and can read. Does her ability make her hyper intelligent? What does it mean for her future? How can she read so early? Is it an innate ability unique to her, or an ability that can be fostered in other children, and if so, how?

Weather - England is under siege. Wind and rain pummel the coasts of England, Wales, and Scotland. Some winds recorded at 80 mph.

New Sins - The Vatican released a list of new sins for the world to avoid. Sins ranging from ecological offenses and bioethical offenses. Can you name the original seven deadly sins?

Obama - Obama offers some great quotable lines in response to Clinton Camp talks of him running as VP. My favourite includes Obama reasoning that Clinton would accept him as VP, but doesn't view him as having enough experience to be the president. Yet should anything befall the president, the vp takes the reins!

French - The French are taking over. Just kidding, but they have infiltrated Facebook and now Facebook has gone live French style.

ever changing, yet still the same

2008-03-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

We live in a world that is ever changing, yet still the same. The world continues to evolve on a daily basis - just the fact that you're reading this on a blog is proof of the world's evolution. Technology shifts and evolves, from phones to computers to the internet, we exist in a subculture of perpetual change. The "latest thing" changes. What was "hot" last week, is now cooling off on the back range. Celebrity markings change, who we thought was the greatest last year, no longer shines in the spotlight. The hippest style of clothing is now rags for washing the toilet. The intriguing literature of last year is pushed aside for something new and innovative.

Yet at the core we remain the same. We are consistently people starving for purpose and truth. We are a people who throughout time have searched for truth, hope, purpose, and in all the wrong places. We are people who desire love and connectivity, yet when we find it we run from it, scarred of the implications. We are a people who since Adam and Eve have been separated from God and his truth, hope, purpose, and love - and like the many before us have grappled with returning to the sanctuary of the garden.

Our world is ever changing. Yet our world is still the same.

What we are doing to affect change? And what are we doing to solve the sameness?

driving slow

2008-02-26T11:54:00.000-08:00

Ever been stuck behind a slow driver? I was last night as I travelled to Kickboxing. But not just one slow driver, a series of slow drivers. It didn't seem to matter whether it was on the freeway, the expressway, or on the side street I was perpetually behind a slow driver. My initial reaction was one of an inkling of frustration, but then as I wasn't exactly in a rush I began to mull over being stuck behind slow drivers, and this was my conclusion.

It is often like that in life. You are driving down the road of life and you get stuck behind a slow driver. You in fact have three choices, you can stay stuck behind the slow driver and moan about it and get frustrated and allow it to ruin a perfectly nice travel, OR Choice #2: you can change lanes and go on your way. Sometimes in life you need to move out from under those that slow you down. If you know the way you're going, and opportunity presents itself to move forward, you need to take it, and if you aren't going to, you need to not complain. There are people in our travels that will slow us down, and we need to take the initiative and press forward.

Choice #3 shifts the perspective. If the "slow" driver is in fact not slow, but actually driving the speed limit and obeying established rules, then perhaps you the driver needs to slow down. We can have ideas and desire to speed faster down the highway of life, but sometimes surprise surprise God has placed people in our lives to lead us. People who are disciplined and obey the law, people who perhaps can see something ahead that we, in our haste cannot.

So do you need to change lanes? Speed up? Or stay the course?

My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad

2008-02-22T14:30:00.000-08:00

Do you ever find yourself watching something that is so utterly ridiculous you're not quite sure how to actually change the channel, or better yet even how to turn the tv off?!

I found myself in such a situation Monday night. Monday night at 9PM NBC premiered "My Dad is Better than your Dad," and boy, what can I say but how is this drivel on at 9pm, although if nothing else I give it a corner of a gold star for family friendly viewing, but still?!

I must say that I did eventually come to my senses, and in fact turned the telly off -- and I did so only after 10 minutes of viewing. It did make me think though about that cliched term: "My dad is better than your dad" on a number of levels, the first being for the children who were actually on the show with their dads. How will their relationships change, and are their relationships really going to be based on proving which dad is stronger, faster, smarter, braver, and therefore BETTER -- are strength, speed, courage, and intelligence accurate litmus tests for being better?

I do conclude that my dad is better -- my earthly dad is (but that is a given), but that wasn't who I was talking about... If I was to take the four areas set by NBC (because we all know that NBC is the authority on these things) and hold them up as the ultimate test, I do believe My Abba Father is better --

Let's Take A Look

Courage/Bravery

God created man and woman with the freedom to choose - that takes a lot of courage, to knowingly create beings and gift them with choice. Then there's the whole sending his son to die - how many of you would actually do that? Throw in that whole choice thing, and well you've got a double whammie of courage!

Intelligence

Think first of all of all those instances where it speaks of God knowing: The Lord is a God who knows, he knows everything, he knows the secrets of the heart, God knows. To take it a step further, let's look at Multiple Intelligence: God's gotta know his science - just look at the human body, gravity, space -- seeing the picture just yet. Art - well that is a given - have you never seen nature?! Literature - prose and poetry, he's inspired both and for that matter, inspires still. Home Economics, manna from heaven, anyone? Philosophical intelligence: let's face it, if you've ever read Job you know God's got the handle on philosophy and debate!

Strength

Come one, who is going to refute God's strength - and ultimate strength at that?! Let alone the numerous verses which speak of God being our strength, the strength, finding strength in him - there's more. Let's look again at that whole sending his son - strength in the 100s, 1000s, no - you get the picture - ultimate strength is displayed when having the power to save his son at every step of the way, and not doing so. Even when his son, Jesus, cries, "Father, why have you forsaken me?" God - Abba - still exhibits the strength to not send a legion of angels to his rescue.

Speed

On this one and this one only I give Abba a little slack - because there are actually quite a few instances of lack of speed - 400 years, 29 days - he was teaching a lesson, there's no doubt, and there is the slight interference of demonic spirits. But he is quick to forgive, and that perhaps is where speed is needed the most -- he is quick to offer grace, forgiveness, and mercy to those of his children who seek it and ask for it.

So there you have it -- my DAD is better than yours -- BUT I suppose, if He is your dad too, then well --

A Week of Finallys

2008-02-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday I finally used the work out room of our apartment building - granted I only went that Tuesday, but still - I did finally make it to two floors below and used the running machine, the large ball, and the weights: three cheers for Ellie!!

I finally started using the stairs over the elevator to get to my fourth floor apartment. Two rationals: First being I've never been too fond of elevators, that whole they could stop and I could get stuck theory (always carry water and food on an elevator -- you never know)! Second rational, I have two legs that, thank God work, and well what better way to use them than to climb stairs?!

I finally took a donut. Took a donut? Yes. You see on Friday at our apartment building they put out donuts, bagels, and muffins and I've noticed them - who wouldn't noice fresh glistening donuts? The first week I wasn't sure who they were for and when I asked, one of my roomies informed me that they were for the taking. Armed with this knowledge I still bypassed them the second weeek, not for any health reasons (let me assure you on that account), but because someone was making coffee next to them. I felt too conspicious if I was to take one.

So this morning I decided no matter what I was taking a chocolate glazed donut, I reminded myself the night before, prepped myself as I came down, and - yes, actually reached out, selected the donut, and grabbed a glistening chocolate donut (even with the coffee man and another bloke watching)! And it was delicious - maybe more so because of the mental effort it took to actually take it.

And the final finally of the week - I have finally posted 2 posts - the other of slightly more substance mind you!!

Enjoy -- Happy Friday!!!

Wee Hours of VDAY

2008-02-14T01:28:00.002-08:00

It IS the wee hours of valentine's day, and I have just finished writing and posting four blogs for your enjoyment and amusement. Today I get my hair cut -- I have a few photos to choose from for the latest and greatest style to top the already current beauty of me, but slightly unsure of what direction I will ultimately go.

I will be "celebrating" valentine's day this year for the first time as an entity, otherwise referred to as a couple -- don't ask what, where, how, or when though - but I am sure I can divulge the details after the fact, or maybe not!!!

It does strike me as ironic at how different life was a year ago, and that this time last year I was posting such blogs as "Happy Single Awareness Day" and "What does soon mean?" and using code names, and now, well now I AM IN LOVE, I LOVE, and I AM LOVED -- can't beat that. I mean life was pretty special a year ago, and add to it the beauty of Guillaume and I's relationship now, and well life is simply a ray of sunshine!!! Seriously though, whatever significance of the day -- it is for me a chance to reflect and to really give thanks, because God had and has and continues to richly bless my life with not objects, but with people who I love dearly and I am honored to know love me dearly.

Valentine's Day traditionally a day for couples to celebrate and honor their love, and I do so very much cherish that love, but what makes knowing and experiencing that love all the more sweeter is first and foremost the love I know and experience from Heaven above - from God, through His Son, and then the love between my parents, my brothers, my SJ Family, my "MWF" Family, and my friends. Knowing and living the love between those people enables me to more fully appreciate and honor the love Guillaume and I share.

So HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to one and ALL -- remember those around that you love, remember those that love you, and most of all remember the very reason for why we love, remember who IS love -- GOD!!!

LENT

2008-02-14T01:18:00.000-08:00

So to answer the question as to why I'm not reading any fiction for the next forty days or so, allow me to enlighten you: I've given up fiction books for the period of Lent. The forty/forty six days leading up to Easter are traditionally (who set the tradition?) are referred to as Lent.

The purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer—through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial—for the annual commemoration of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, as celebrated during Holy Week, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. (according to the ol' faithful wikipedia).

Interestingly, and I remember this from my period of Lent last year, Sundays are not considered a part of the fasting for Lent. Typically because they are considered to be celebrations of the victory Christ Jesus has over sin and death. So yes, I could read on Sundays, but to some degree that would defeat the object -- in my case at least.

I have so far succeeded in the self denial of indulgence in a ficiton read. I don't believe I've gone as long as forty days without cracking open a fictional book. I don't believe I've ever gone a week before, and tonight marks one week. I can easily read 4, sometimes more, depending on the week, a week -- so anywhere from 20-30 books will be hold in the next month.

I must say that it has proved to be a worthy choice to give up, because I do spend many hours reading (as evident by the modest book count above), and I am trying to redirect myself in the instances I would go to read, and I have found myself thinking on the why of not picking up a book, and in doing so casting my mind to look at Jesus -- his temptation, and actually more at the forefront of the mind his death. It has also allowed me to take the periods of time wherein I would sit and read a fiction book, and spend time reading the Bible and journaling.

The question remains though, which book will be cracked open first following Easter??!!

STOP

2008-02-14T00:45:00.001-08:00

Speaking of stopping thoughts, I was in the previous post (are you experiencing deja vu?!) I really need to stop my thoughts from moving past my mind and through my lips. I'm sure others would actually disagree in principle, it being quite an achievement when I express thought, I'm talking more about the inane thoughts that filter through and take up residence, and then decide to sputter out.

Take for instance a conversation Guillaume and I had a few nights back, well conversation too strong of a word, more me emitting a senseless thought.

You see Monday night I wasn't feeling up to scratch, Guillaume called to say "good night" and in doing so, he told me:

"I love you very much."
Me: "Oh...bye."
G: "I love you."

It was a very sweet good night and a perfect way to end the day before succumbing to sleep. However, me being me thought a sec or two more on it, because a number of weeks back in reading up on the French language and culture I had come across an interesting point that the French don't use words such as "very," "alot," etc or when they are used rather than add meaning to the statement, they weaken the statement. So they would not say "I love you very much" because the 'very' would take away from the basic "I Love You."

I, of course remember this random little fact so to speak, and when Guillaume and I are sitting on the couch Tuesday night I happen to tell him that he told me he loves me very much, and doesn't the "very" take away from the "I love you"?

I'm telling you I can't just simply savour the words and emotion, no not me, I have to take it apart and analyze it for analyzing sake.

107 days -- that's how long Guillaume and I have been dating, that we have been a couple - a cute couple by most people's standards!!! We are, cute, that is -- I mean if I can't freely admit to the truth of the matter on this here blog, well, where can I?!

Bugs

2008-02-14T00:36:00.000-08:00

Speaking of bugs, I was - speaking of them in the last post - I'm a little skeptical that the wee little bugs aren't at this very minute making themselves a cozy little home in the sanctuary of my bedroom. You see due to the warm weather of late (again see earlier posting) my new apartment is quite warm and stuffy, and therefore to create ventiliation last night and to actually enjoy snuggling under the duvet I opened the window. But like I said it wasn't without misgiving and trepidation. I had to will myself not to imagine little insect families crawling in through the window, and well because my bed is under the window - well yes, let's perhaps stop the imagining right there!

My active imagination has turned my bedroom into a colony of insects. I can see vividly little groupings of bugs within the room - argh - seriously must stop the thoughts.

I'll let you know if any bugs have settled in for the long haul, but for now on to other thoughts!

oh where oh where is the cold weather?!

2008-02-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article on Yahoo the other day regarding compatability within a couple. It listed seven areas of compatability, to name a few: chemistry - although not necessarily in the sense of is there chemistry, but if one likes PDA or the other doesn't, personality, friends/family, communication, financial, health/nutrition, and lifestyle (that wasn't a few, that was the whole seven). However, what the article failed to mention is "weather and climate," key area for compatability within a relationship and an issue of compatability brought to light this past week between Guillaume and I.

I have to break it to you, all your sun loving Californias, but I just was not ready for the warm weather and bright sunshine that flooded the early part of this week. But Guillaume on the other hand was singing high from the burst of yellow rays. I simply craved the overcast drizzle, and the rolling gray clouds, that nip in the air that causes you to shiver from inside, but no all I got was warm blue skies and a piercing sun.

Tuesday, following four straight days of increasingly warm weather and bright, sparkly blue skies Guillaume was like a little boy on Christmas morning, and I on the other hand was like a young girl on Christmas morning having just opened all her gifts and rather than a large box of books finds herself in possession of an ant farm and a spider colony!!!

I wrote a few weeks back about how the seemingly dreary weather effects people, that it can cause depression in some, and people tend to be Eyeores as opposed to Tiggers. Not the case for me, it energizes me that kind of weather -- this sunny and warm weather makes me want to blast the air conditioning and pull the shutters, as if to create my own winter wonderland!

Truthfully I actually enjoy the sunny weather, and am truly thankful for where I live, and that I am not somewhere where the option of blue skies and warm weather is but for a few months of the year. For me this warm weather hitting so early in February took me by surprise. It was as if I woke up one day and I missed a whole parcel of time. Technically it isn't spring for another month, and not summer until the end of June, but it felt like the passage of time had skipped a few weeks and jumped right into "summer's just around the corner"! And well, if summer is just around the corner -- I'm not ready for it. I'm not quite ready to retire the sweaters to back of the closet, not quite ready to part ways with my fake uggs -- I've only been wearing them every day since I received them at Christmas, I have to have at least a few more wears from before I tuck them under the bed, not seeing them again until late October. I need to be able to snuggle into a warm coat, and wrap a scarf around my neck and feel the softness. I want to still be able to wear my gloves in the morning because it is chilly.

Here's the compromise though -- bright blue skies and sunny weather, but just lower the temps a little bit please -- if you don't mind, God!!!

Meeting the Authors

2008-02-12T11:56:00.000-08:00

A few weeks back I went to a Booksigning where I had the opportunity to meet authors Kristin Billerbeck, Brandilyn Collins, and Camy Tang. Much to the amusement of Guillaume I shuffled in, handed over my books, gave my name for the saluation, froze I mean smiled for a photo, and shuffled back out. It wasn't quite what he expected, me? I didn't really have any expectations for it, and that was perhaps my downfall. As we drove up to the bookstore (e-ternal treasures in Morgan Hill) I was thinking, 'Nah, I don't really want to go in.' The 'nah's continued as we walked closer to the table with the authors. It isn't that I am not a confident person, I can be in most situations, and it wasn't that I wasn't necessarily confident in this situation, I just felt like a groupie, certainly not uber trendy and I just read your books all the time. I mean even they expressed surprise that I came with a book for each author -- Brandilyn Collin's one was one of the earlier covers -- I mean can you tell my dedication to reading?!

But they were all very sweet and conciliatory and I was glad that I had the opportunity to meet them, if only briefly, and that now three of my books are signed by authors who I enjoy and who not only do I read their books, but I also read their blogs...

Check them out at

Kristin Billerbeck: www.girlswriteout.blogspot.com
Brandilyn Collins: www.forensicsandfaith.blogspot.com
Camy Tang: www.camys-loft.blogspot.com

But I won't be reading their books or any fiction for another approximately 40 days -- read the next blog to find out why!!!

A Return

2008-02-12T11:09:00.000-08:00

I've returned from the abyss - with all that stuff tht I had accumulated I was buried beneath it for the last week, that and I was without daily access to the internet. I'm telling you life without the net at the ready is startling. But rest assured the boxes are collapsed, the 'stuff' put away, and the blinking red light now a constant green, and the cable ready to watch. Life as I know it is anew - living in a high rise apartment building downtown with two "boys" is certainly not without it's stories, the boys alone provide ample amusement and blog worthy stories - from Bathroom Books to Cooking and Shopping. Then being high up I can satisfy my nosy parker mentality and sit and watch people come and go from their cars, and what people are doing. One of the perks of living here is that the dry cleaners is literally around the corner. So close in fact that I can walk there, and I do in fact walk there. The temptation will be to not walk there on a weekly basis (I don't have that much that goes to the dry cleaners), but at least for the first time it was fun to walk out of my apartment building and walk around the corner to the dry cleaners -- yes, I know sad life!

Well, I have returned, and with my return some blogs to tickle your senses.

Time for a Break

2008-01-29T17:55:00.000-08:00

Phew, time for a break. I have spent the majority of the day boxing my things up. Rather than sitting here with a sense of satisfaction, because I did get quite a bit accomplished today, I am sitting here with a sense of overindulgence. I tend to think of that word "overindulgence" in regards to food, and eating too much of it; but this time around I think the word fits in a new way.

I think in my life I have overindulged. Certainly not with food, as many are apt to tell me I could blow away in the wind (not true, but well I am slim)!! But when I look around at all the stuff I own, or have in my possession I am overwhelmed. In the process of packing things away, I have attempted to whittle down some of the things that I own. But even then I am overwhelmed, I filled bags upon bags with trash -- mostly paper, think of all those trees. Then I filled more bags and a couple of boxes with things for Goodwill, and while those things will go somewhere where hopefully someone else can get a second use for them I can't help but think why oh why do I have so much stuff.

The question really remains is what am I going to do from this point on about purchasing and holding on to every little thing that comes across "my desk." I hope that I do at least stop before making further purchases, and evaluate the need and value of the soon to be purchase, and that in doing so I can eliminate the sense of overindulgence.

There are certain items that hold importance to me, for instance I am quite attached to my growing library of books -- and while I do lend them out sparingly, and while I do reread them often, I feel as if these items are ok to have. It is the other things that are around my apartment and now at Goodwill and now in boxes and now in the trash, and I am filled with a sense of waste.

Beauty of Life

2008-01-26T13:03:00.000-08:00

Life...the beauty of life, the sanctity of life, the mystery of life. The past two weeks I have been thinking of life and its beauty. I went to Body Worlds Exhibition at the Tech Musuem a couple of Saturdays ago, and was at times overwhelmed by the still life before me. The majority of the sections were faceless, the muscles had been removed from the skeleton, or muscle slices were displayed. However, one section was on early life -- the unborn child. Children were captured in various stages of development, from 1 week to 28 weeks. The children had died before they had experienced life. The causes of death were not stated, but just to see them there lifeless and knowing that they hadn't experienced life outside of the womb, was a heavy hammer to my heart.

The week progressed and I was again confronted with not only the beauty of life, but also the frality. At work we set out to take a walk, and the elderly neighbor next door had fallen down in the garden patch, and as we passed he called for help. It was saddening to see this man, who at one point in time had stood tall and erect, and who was able to garden without fear of falling, now reduced to his limitations.

I was confronted furthermore with this motif in McManus' message which spoke of Life being short. Then came Sanctity of Life Sunday at church, and abortion was mentioned, and the idea of holiness of life was stressed.

As my mind still dwelt on life, I read this week (as did many others) of the death of Heath Ledger. Life is short. Life is beautiful. Life is fragile.

What do we, what do I do with my life to make it count? What do I do to enhance the beauty of life that God has so richly lavished on me? Do I squander my days away, and thereby squander my life? Or do I embrace life and live it to the fullest? Living in the fullness of God's grace and mercy, living the abundant life He has called us each to. Life -- even the messy parts, are beautiful. We know beauty by the ugly. We know joy by sorrow. Do we we need to know death to know life? I think in some regards yes. To know life -- to know Jesus to the fullest, for he IS the way, the truth, and the LIFE - we have to know death, we have to know and admit our sins, we have to confront the option of death, and turning from it, to embrace life, to embrace Christ.

A Little Bit Of Randomness

2008-01-26T12:52:00.000-08:00

How 21st Century can you get?! We (Guillaume and I) are both sitting here in my living room, each on our respective computers -- he on, what else but an Apple, and me on a Dell. Guillaume is doing something, not sure what -- something for work I believe, and me, well I've read through my daily bloggers, and am now of course writing one for my own site.

Just to finish up the 21st Century couple idea, last weekend Guillaume and I were in Starbucks with his Apple, and we each had a earphone in and were watching and listening to Steve Job's keynote speech -- yes, well, you can't fault us for the excitement?!

On to other news. I had already decided that a random blog was in order. I was going to write Thursday night, and then Friday, but time got away from me.

I am moving AGAIN -- I tend not to like to move, but I find myself moving quite frequently. I have been in my current home for just over a year, and next Friday Ronnie, Peter, and myself sign our names to another housing contract -- this time in Japantown, Downtown San Jose. I am still in the midst of sorting, haven't completely got around to even boxing just yet -- but I will!!! The sorting is hard enough. You should see what I've got rid of, and what I've kept.

What say you of the weather in California?! Cold and wet are two good says if I have my say. Friday was spectacular -- I don't think the rain let up all day, and it wasn't just a little drizzle, but torrential downpour. But the good news reports the Merc, is that with these storm fronts we have reached a safe level of water, or something along those lines, we aren't out of the woods yet though. Growing up in England we had a drought warnings nearly every summer, and spare the hose days in the summer -- funny, right? I mean we lived in a country with a reputation for rain 9 months out of the year, and an island to boot, and we would have drought warnings, no, I agree doesn't make much sense!!!

I do have some good blogs ruminating in my brain, just need to get them out -- and I will, not sure when though. I think for now this is enough randomness for one blog.

Oh, I am off to a booksigning this afternoon -- Camy Tang, Kristen Billerbeck, and Brandilyn Collins (and two others) are signing books at a bookstore in Morgan Hill today -- not too sure what to expect.

I Can Sense A Blog Coming

2008-01-21T22:00:00.000-08:00

Truer words were never spoken, ok well truer words have been spoken, but in this instance...

My daily life for better or worse does provide great fodder for blogs, I am just not always efficient at translating the day's events and thoughts into blogs. So I am setting about to rectify that fact, and will be attempting to present life's little and big moments of the past week.

New Additions

2008-01-21T20:46:00.000-08:00

Allow me to introduce you to "Steamy 1" and "Steamy 2." They are a source of recent entertainment for Guillaume and I, or more appropriately they are a source of entertainment for Guillaume, and Guillaume is a source of entertainment for me!!

They are Guilaume's washer and dryer, and they are the Kenmore He5t, and what makes them so very special is that have a Steam Feature, and on top of the steam feature, they have multiple buttons. Yes, buttons -- you know those little shiny things you can press and they make a little ding sound. Well, if you aren't aware of the power of the button, I invite you to join our Sunday night at "The Loft."

Wait though, there's more. The steam feature on the dryer hasn't been in fully operational mode, it was a missing a crucial part. Guillaume attached the missing part this Sunday, and to celebrate he tossed in a shirt and pushed those shiny buttons, and he called me to come and watch the steam rising, and the shirt spinning. So we sat/stood in the laundry area watching the brown shirt spin and flip, but alas when the actual shirt was tossed there was no steam -- it was a sad moment!!!

Stay tuned for more excitement involving Steamy 1 and Steamy 2!!!

upcoming

2008-01-14T23:31:00.000-08:00

*SIGH* I was just in the middle of writing a blog about "Body Worlds 2" but with the slip of a finger on a key, I deleted all that I had just written and I just don't have it in me to rewrite it at this moment -- so look back at some point tomorrow and within a post or two I'll tackle the following topics:

Body Worlds 2
Does God have a favourite pastime???
The six emotions, why are all but 2 negative emotions?
Human Life: in the earliest form -- especially in light of this coming weekend being Sanctity of Life Sunday.

Other topics for review:
"Speak now or forever hold your peace", and no it is not a subtle or otherwise reference to marriage!!
"Copycats: is it wrong to 'steal' baby names and wedding ideas?"
"Conscious thought..when and how it becomes automatic"

Alrighty then, off to do at least one of the 'dos' from my earlier post -- have a guess as to which one it could be?!

a comment on the comments

2008-01-14T23:18:00.000-08:00

I just edited the previous post, and in doing so realized I had 2 comments on two seperate posts. I am so accustomed to not having comments on my postings that I don't even look to see if anyone has commented.

SO, thank you Dan for commenting: 6 and 8 do pose interesting topics, and as soon as 8 is uploaded I will be listening in and will take pleasure in discussing with you. Also curious as to what you would refer to yourself if you were to answer #6. As to blog commenting, likewise I should be more active in commenting on your blog -- however, you are a week or two behind. Oh, and thanks for the link on your page, someone mentioned to me from church that they saw the link and headed over to my blog :)
(See comment on "A Fun Risk").

Notdavidandmegan -- how curious that even though you are neither David nor Megan you felt the need to come to their aid in seeing them moved up the list. Ah well, seeing as when I posted "Life on Loan" that would mean *gasp* I may actually have to contact THE David and Megan at some point this week!!! Love you Big Bro and (I can't exactly call you "big" sis', now can I?), and Moo-gan!!
(See comment on "LIFE on LOAN").

the dos and don'ts of monday

2008-01-14T22:30:00.000-08:00

*Don't eat a PBJ and a strawberry jam filled donut before working out, it doesn't bounce well in the tummy!!

*Don't sit in a cramped position following working out, it does absolutely nothing for those muscles that you've just stretched out!

*Don't keep every receipt and any token of memorabilia from trips, because believe you and me it can be quite painful to have sort through when you move yet again!

*Don't sort through photos when you are in a nostagic mood, it doesn't help in the get rid process.

*Don't move at age 11, and get rid of the majority of your things, it makes you keep any and everything in the years proceeding!! (which then lends itself to those earlier 'don'ts').

*Do start what you finish, as in if you go to KB stay for the end - like I did, despite the food tumbling in my tummy!!!

*Do get rid of things, especially receipts from say a store in DC in 1997!!

*Do eat lots of bread, you just can't go wrong with bread.

*Do indulge your senses and read a book, if that is what you need.

*Do keep posting blogs, any expression of thought, is expression!!

grey skies

2008-01-09T23:29:00.000-08:00

The world is a muted grey. The California sun has been in hiding the last several days, and grey clouds blanket the sky - at times dumping their murky waters on the world below, but at present they merely shroud the earth.

Some people can't handle this weather - there are those who medically cannot, and must exist with a sun machine, and there are those who find the weather to be in direct correlation with mood, activity level, energy, and productivity. Most often grey skies has a positive correlation with feelings of depression, low energy, and inactivity. Then there are those people who are invigorated swirling mass of grey, they see the day as one of potential and mystery.

For me I enjoy the grey skies and the pounding of the rain. It does create the sense of desire to simply cuddle up with a blanket, hot tea, and a book (and maybe a boyfriend ;)). But I like the grey skies. The dampness and chill in the air. The sense of winter pressing in. Maybe because it is because I know it won't last. It IS California, how long do we really go before the sun breaks through and the blue skies are a banner.

overextension

2008-01-09T23:16:00.000-08:00

Do you ever find yourself using a word to the point of over extension? As I was penning another blog I went to write "It's funny..." and I stopped myself and in the briefest of moments asked myself: what did I mean by the use of that word..."funny." Funny in what way: strange, amusing, disturbing, intriguing, interesting, awkward -- it can be a slightly ambiguous word word when used as a descriptor.

I notice that I used "funny" extensively. For instance I may refer to my boyfriend as being funny: "You're funny." Do I mean he is strange? Amusing? Disturbing? Or...

Speaking of overused words and my boyfriend, he overuses the word "alright." What does it mean? In one instance the utterance of alright can be "well, I'm really not enjoying standing here, pretending to 'fellowship,' so we should leave." Or "let's go," "yes," you ready?,"you ok?," "does that work for you?" OR merely used repitively in the illusion of annoyance :)

But think about it, there are 1000s, upon 1000s of words and we more than often use the same 100 or so words, and use the same words to describe varied emotions and circumstances.

SO let's make a pact, a pact to incorporate all those wonderful and marvelous words that make up the English language.

and the rain fell

2008-01-04T11:39:00.001-08:00

Last night I was reading the account of Noah and "The Flood" from The Message Bible, and as I read the rain fell and the winds blew. I woke up, and the rain continued to pound the window panes, and splatter across the pavement, and the winds rattled the tree branches, and blew through the cracks in the windows.

I relish the sound of the rain, and to be able to sit inside a warm house and listen to the wind and the rain is one of my favourite things to do. I don't imagine though that I would enjoy it too much were I stuck outside in it, nor if God hadn't made the promise to never flood the whole earth as He did with "The Flood."

Could you imagine being one of the men or women who scoffed at Noah as he built the Ark, and then to be there as the skies opened up and rain poured forth. What would you have done? Obviously first seek shelter in some form, but as the rain kept falling and winds kept blowing what would go through your mind? And then the waters would rise, and rise, and water would pour forth into any form of shelter you had procurred. I wonder how many of those people realized their mistakes. How many of those regretted their hasty words to Noah and his family? There would have been no where to go for those people. Would parents have tried to save their children first? Or were they too far gone in their evil ways?

It is a slightly harrowing thought for me. My least desired option for death would be to drown. If I think about it too much, I don't even like the idea of slides at a water park - being stuck inside, and then the water, and the thought that I could get stuck, and the water would rise in the tunnel... Then the thought of scuba diving is slightly nerve racking, what if the oxygen tank stopped working, or I got stuck in a coral reef, and then I couldn't breathe and water would rush into my lungs, and I would slowly die... Yes, well, after all those morose thoughts, death by drowning is certainly not how I would want to go!

The rain is still falling, the wind still howling, and the puddles are growing but the world won't be covered by water from end to end again - God promised, and one thing I am sure of, is that God is faithful to His promises.

So I plan to sit here and continue to enjoy the sound of the wind and the rain, and when at some point I venture out into the stormy weather, I have the assurance of travelling to yet another safe, dry place!

LIFE ON LOAN

2008-01-03T23:48:00.000-08:00

"Life on Loan"

Before you give your life away or even portions of it, you have to check with the owner first, and that owner is God.

"YOU WERE BOUGHT AT A PRICE, YOUR LIFE IS NOT YOUR OWN"

RELATIONAL: Love God, Love Others

1. God

a. Prayer

b. Bible Reading - read through the Bible in a year

c. Journalling

d. Study

1. Couple's

2. Guillaume

2. Guillaume

a. Time Together

1. One on One

2. Group - i.e. Farrell's

3. Couple's Ministry

b. Cultivate Relationship with Family

1. Learn French

2. Meet Them!

3. Family

a. Mum

b. Dad

c. Ronnie: despite imminent changes, maintain communication

d. Nan: call/email once a week

e. David/Megan: Bimonthly Communication

f. Thursday Night Crew: Beyond Thursday Night

1. Justin and Lisa (couple)

2. Owen (Godson)

g. Hein Family

4. Friends

a. Alison: maintain, especially both with BFs. Enjoy CRUISE VACATION together!

b. Pete and Cindi: continue to move beyond the surface

c. Tamara

HEALTH: Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit

1. Exercise

a. KB once a week

b. Second night: run, gym (monitor aimless TV/Net)

2. Balanced Menu

a. Increase Fruit and Veg intake

b. Decrase sugar intake

3. Sleep regular hours (monitor aimless TV/Net)

CHURCH: There are many parts, but one body

1. Attendance

2. Financial

3. Serve

4. "Outreach" - develop

A Look Back

2008-01-03T00:43:00.000-08:00

January is up and running, and with it a whole new year (imagine that, a new year in January???) 2007 is behind us, behind me at least, and 2008 is bright on the horizon. Thursday Night Dinner will bring with it the first stage of not goal planning, but commitment pledging (I don't know if that is exactly the name given to it, but it works for my purposes). I think I might have thought about it too much, because I have multiple sub topics - but until further tuning this is how it looks:

First things first a review of goals from 2007:

1. Maintain KB at minimum twice a week: Intermittantely I did KB thrice a week, tried for a consistent twice a week, and then with recent events I dropped to once a week, but on average I did maintain working out.
2. Write and publish "Wednesday Night with the Hittlers" - I unfortunately did not succeed in achieving this goal. I did write a scattering of memoirs, but nothing concrete. I would like to eventually write something to capture the very essence of what was once Wednesday nights, but is now Thursdays.
3. Apply for my Masters -- I did not, but I did decide not to, as opposed to it simply skating by.

Stretch Goal was to purchase a new car, and I did not feel the stretch 'cause good ol' Dolly keeps on going -- although I think her final days are coming.

Miracle Goals: My first miracle goal was technically achieved twice, however in reality it has been achieved once and let's hope, for all!!! I dated more than a week!!! This goal was a little tongue in cheek. However, what was more the miracle are the strategic by products that I feel I achieved: Open up, experience of a relationship, new/deeper friendship with another being - specifically of the male species. I think that therein is more the miracle. I've really had the opportunity to open up, definately experience a relationship, and certainly grow and deepen a friendship - and most certainly, with the male species.

My second miracle goal still remains in the miraculous, I did not purchase any property - even a shed!!!

I think I will post my 2008 Commitments following the Thursday Night Discussion.

One Good Looking Family!!!

2008-01-02T23:43:00.000-08:00

BEFORE

AFTER

Those pictured: Ronnie (my younger brother) and Tamara (his girlfriend), Mum, David (my older brother) and Megan (my sister in law), Guillaume (now, who could he be?!), Dad, and of course, me!!! Latte and Tetley are the only two missing in this photo!

We all travelled to my parents' house this past weekend to celebrate Christmas. Saturday December 29th became the honorary Christmas Day celebration for me and my family. It was a little bit like entering the Twilight Zone, we holed up in the house for the whole day Saturday - starting the day with a full cooked breakfast, and then presents and then simply enjoying each other's company in the many forms of games, etc. We dined on Turkey, Pork, Roast Pots, Carrots, Parsnips, Brussel Sprouts, and Stuffing -- all the cooking was courtesy of my mum, and tasted delicious.

Friday saw the Tennis Show Down of the year --Roddick and Federer eat your heart out, because Guillaume and David ruled the courts!!! Would the rain stop them? Oh no! Would the cold stop them? Not these two! No, they battled it for the love of the game, and bragging rights for the next year. The Frenchman did leave the courts victorious, abandoning his culture's ways of lose and surrender ;) But let it be said that the Englishman held on -- not bad for a smokin' paraplegic!! I did admittedly give my allegience to the stunningly handsome Frenchman, what can I say -- I may be Britican, but it may eventually merge to "Briticanch" -- time will tell on that one.

So despite the fact that we didn't actually celebrate Christmas Day until four days past the official date, it did not matter because when we did celebrate it was a celebration full of love, warmth, and laughter -- a time for us as a family to enjoy each other's company, trade insults, and generally be.

It Must Be Meant To Be...

2008-01-02T23:24:00.001-08:00

It must be meant to be...

...when your boyfriend fits in better with your family that you do!

It must be meant to be...

...when you can have a disagreement over syncing an ipod!

It must be meant to be...

...when your boyfriend travels with you to celebrate Christmas with your family, after having been home in the states for 24 hours...And having just moved into his new place.

It must be meant to be...

...when you can spend an afternoon together - him fiddling with the cables of the TV and you reading!!

It must be meant to be...

...when you spend the afternoon cleaning out a stinky fridge in preparation for New Year's Eve party.

It must be meant to be...

...when he gives you a paper key inscribed with the words "To my heart and my home (soon)."

It Must Be...

...Meant To Be

A Fun Risk

2008-01-02T22:56:00.000-08:00

Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle recently launched "Ask Anything." Members, attenders, and general listeners were given the opportunity to create questions that they desired Mark to answer within a sermon. Once the questions were submitted, they were voted for, and at the close of the year nine questions were chosen. Below are the questions that are the concluding Top 9. The next nine weeks should provide some interesting sermons. Definately a wide range of topics, and I am sure Driscoll will answer with his usual aplomb!! Certainly a fun risk for a pastor to take.

#1
Do you believe that the Scripture not only regulates our theology but also our methodology? In other words, do you believe in the regulative principle? If so, to what degree? If not, why not?

#2
What can traditional/established churches learn from "emerging" churches?

#3
How does a Christian date righteously; and what are the physical, emotional, and mentally connecting boundaries a Christian must set while developing an intimate relationship prior to marriage?

#4
If salvation is by faith alone (Romans 3:28), then why are there so many verses that say or imply the opposite, namely that salvation is by works (James 2:24, Matthew 6:15 & 7:21, Galatians 5:19-21)

#5
How should Christian men and women go about breaking free from the bondage of sexual sin?

#6
Of all the things you teach, what parts of Christianity do you still wrestle with? What's hardest for you to believe?

#7
Why does an all loving, all knowing, and all sovereign God will into creation people He foreknows will suffer eternal condemnation? Why does Romans 9:20 feel like a cop-out answer?

#8
Why do you make jokes about mormon missionaries, homosexuals, trenchcoats wearers, single men, vegans, emo kids and then expect these groups to come to know God in the same sermon?

#9
There's no doubt the Bible says children are a blessing, but the Bible doesn't seem to address the specific topic of birth control. Is this a black and white topic, or does it fall under liberties?

Christmas Past

2007-12-24T23:55:00.000-08:00

Tonight as we sat around the table for Christmas Eve dinner, the question was posed as to what was our most memorable Christmas (among other Christmas sharing anecdotes), and after a few people shared, they turned to me and asked me to share - perhaps one from when I lived in England they offered.

As it happened for the past week or so I have been ruminating on this very topic of what makes a Christmas memorable (obviously very subjective), and to the group I shared but one such Christmas, but on here I would like to expound somewhat...

I have had some rather memorable Christmas' through the years

Our last Christmas in England we celebrated by having 11 people stay with us!!! Before you scoff at such a number let me inform you that our house was between 800 and 900 square feet, and that all eleven of us (although now that I do the math I do believe it was 13) slept in the house. I don't remember that Christmas in detail, except to remember the warmth and love of being with family, being with a family that loved and cared for each other.

1995 found us celebrating our first Christmas in America. Christmas that year was full of church Christmas presentations, and Christmas Eve bore the advent of Christmas Eve services - of which I described in an earlier post. It was that year that the $10 gift began. At the time I thought it was just a fun event to participate in, and we each worked hard at using that $10 to purchase a gift for the name of the person we had drawn. It wasn't until I was older that it was revealed the reason for the $10 gift exchange. But then, as now, it was never about the gift itself - it was about the thought behind it, and more importantly the family that exchanged the gifts. It was the love and warmth that we shared and embraced as a family. I must say though that when Boxing Day arrived, it brought with it the arrival of my grandparents, whom we hadn't seen since our departure from England six months prior, and with them came suitcases packed to the nines with English goodies - everything from crackers to pickle, to biscuits and crisps, pickled onions and much more.

Then came the Christmas of which I shared about tonight. Ten years ago shortly after Thanksgiving my older brother was paralyzed from the chest down while stationed in San Diego undergoing Boot Camp for the Marines. My parents flew down to be with him, my mum stayed for a week, my dad two. We were fortunate to have a Veteran's Hospital in Palo Alto, much closer than San Diego and it was to here that David (my older brother) was transferred to. Christmas was fast upon us, and as was expected the majority of any extra time was devoted to being by David's side. In the run up to Christmas two families within our home church at the time began secretly delivering gifts to our doorsteps. The gifts corresponded to the "Twelve Days of Christmas" song, and Ronnie and I would wait with eager anticipation for what gift the day would bring. Furthermore, the same family took me with her to pick a Christmas Tree for our house and bring it home. Christmas morning David was given leave, and would be released from the hospital at 11am. Ronnie and my dad drove to PA to pick him up, and my mum stayed behind and wrapped presents - having no wrapping paper she used newspaper for some of the gifts. It was the only time that David was ever in his wheelchair at our house. We opened presents, we sat around the table as a family, with silly Christmas hats from the crackers on our heads, and together we gave thanks for the love that we shared as a family. It wasn't about the gifts, it wasn't about the tree, or the decorations -- although all sweet in their own way. No, once again it was about the love and warmth that we shared as a family, a love made sweeter by the common bond that we all shared -- a bond that because of Christmas we had, that through the birth of Jesus, and his subsequent death and resurrection we had life, and life in abundance.

One year we didn't even get our Christmas tree until Christmas Eve. We had waited to get our tree with our grandparents, because we wanted them to experience the "thrill" of choosing your own tree and cutting it down. Unfortunately that was the year of 'El Nino" and as such every day was filled with water drenched streets, and we opted to hope that the next day it would be dry. Alas our hope was mislaid, and finally on Christmas Eve mere hours (if that) before we had to leave for Christmas Eve services my mum and dad went to a local grocery store and picked up a Christmas Tree from a lot. We decorated the tree that evening following services. I don't remember what I got that year for Christmas, I don't remember what I got for anybody else, but I do remember sharing the time with my grandparents, sharing once again the love and warmth of family.

This year will be the first Christmas in 24 years that I haven't spent with my mum and dad. We are going to celebrate -- for us Christmas Day will in fact be December 29, and all eight of us will be together to rejoice in the birth of Jesus Christ, and to revel in the delight of being with family and embracing that love and warmth that has been so evident and presence in my life for Christmas' past.

While I won't be spending December 24 and December 25 with my mum and dad and brothers, I have and will spend them with family -- family that has no relation, no ties through marriage, but rather family of the heart. Tonight - Christmas Eve - I spent with my San Jose Family, and three other families. Together we stood and read Luke 2:1-19 (in fact I read it, and was very glad to have been asked to), and together we joined hands and thanked God for the gift of his son. We ate and drank and conversed all the while love and warmth emanated around the room.

Tomorrow I will join Marissa and Michael and their parents, and grandparents and I know once again that what will be present, admist the slue of opened gifts and the drying pine needles, a love and warmth that grabs hold of you and holds you -- for GOD is LOVE, and it is His very LOVE for us that motivated him to send his Son to earth, and not just in any way, but as a baby, a baby whose birth is celebrated (wittingly or not) every year in December.

Christmas CountDown: It's Here!!!
Christmas CountDown Jenkins Style: 3 days!!!

The Wonder of Mary

2007-12-24T02:14:00.002-08:00

A number of years ago I put together a dramatic monologue detailing the life of Mary from the time of her bethrotal to Joseph to her death. At the time I used Francine River's "Unafraid" and more of my own poetic license to recount the life of an extraordinary woman. I first wrote the piece for a women's Christmas Tea, and then a few years later used the same piece for a Mother's Day presentation, wherein it was titled "An Ordinary Woman, An Extraordinary God." The dramatic narrative was used to coincide with a message detailing 'karious' moments in our life, and exemplified Mary as one who draw from the karious moments of her life.

If you will think of a slinky, keep this image of a slinky in your mind as I continue. In life God is constantly teaching and molding us. We experience circles/cycles of lessons. Oftentimes we repeat the same lesson over and over again, not moving beyond that one circle, and not moving to the next - as a slinky does when in action. A karious moment is when we are faced with the decision to accept the lesson, and to learn from it - whether it is repentence, acceptance, surrender - a course of action is demanded, and in embracing that choice, we move down the spiral of circles.

I recently performed "Mary" and as is the case each time I do so, I am reminded of her life and what she represented. I look at her and the choices that were laid before her. Choices that she made to honor God, and honor him she must have, long before the Angel Gabriel told her she would bear the Messiah, the Son of the Most High God. How could she not have honored God in her deeds and words, for God surely saw her heart and chose her knowing who she was and who she would become. Then when Gabriel did appear before her and exhort her to not be afraid, she had a choice - a choice to embrace the fear and reject the words that were spoken to her, but she didn't, she chose to be obedient to God and the call he had essentially placed on her life. While the Bible doesn't detail the life of Mary, speculation on her life and who she was is easy to make. I see a woman who embraced the road before her. Even with knowledge of the Scriptures, she like many of the other Jews, probably failed to see what the Messiah really had come to do. I doubt that when she wrapped her baby in cloths, and held him close to her, that she knew that in 30, 40 years she would bear witness to his crucifixation. Yet in it, she chose to follow God. She had a desire to move forward, and to grow, and to allow God his hand of love and truth in her life.

The song below also captures the essence of what Mary might have been thinking that long ago night as she travelled to Bethlehem, heavy with child, a young maiden not yet 'married' and with the words of the song, and the power of who Mary was comes the realization that while God may not be calling any of us to bear the Messiah (for he has already come), he is asking us to allow his Son - Christ Jesus - to dwell within us, to allow Christ to change who we are, and really like Mary of whom the 'world' saw a change, to be a living example of Christ to others.

Breath Of Heaven; The Nativity Story

2007-12-24T02:14:00.001-08:00

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I've done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.

Be with me now.
Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.

What's In A Song?

2007-12-20T15:06:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year - Christmas - and as such the radios are alive with Christmas music, in fact Christmas music crept in far too soon for my liking, but that is neither here nor there. As Christmas music pervades our auditory senses, it has been asked on various blogs "what is your favorite Christmas song/carol?"

When I was younger my favorite was "Away in Manger." I am not entirely sure why, but it may have had something to do with the fact that my Nan would sing it to me at bedtime, or just that it was a sweet melody. It was 12 years ago!!!

1995 was our first Christmas stateside, and our first Christmas to experience Christmas Eve services, and not just Christmas Eve services at one church, but at two different churches. All that I remember is that we sang Christmas Songs continuously, and in that one night they lost their appeal, they lost their mystery of the Christmas of centuries ago. I actually remember sitting in Herman Middle School gym (where one of the churches my dad worked at met at the time), and thinking what a hoax. (It probably didn't help matters that it was our second service of the night, and considering our track record of leaving church, I knew it would be some time before we could return to our home and celebrate Christmas). The people were crowded in, dressed up for Christmas, and singing songs - singing songs about the birth of a saviour, how a baby was laid in a manger, how the night was silent, and that all came to adore him and give him praise; yet what did it mean beyond that night, beyond Christmas morning. We sang "Away in a Manger" that night, and it didn't help that it was sang slightly different to how I had grown up singing it, but I do know that in the midst of my rebellion of all that was perceived American, I vowed to not sing those songs at Christmas time.

Thankfully I've come a long way since that Christmas of '95, and while I do still share some hesitancy over the Christmas season - call me a cynic, that's fine, and some reluctance to sing the carols and songs, when I remove the hustle and bustle from the moment and really listen to the words, I treasure the story that they relate.

Now I have two songs that would be in my fave list, "Breath of Heaven" is number one, and "O Holy Night" is second. In a later post I will expand on "Breath of Heaven," but for "O Holy Night" what I enjoy about it is how it crescends, and reaches the point where the lyrics go "...fall on your knees" - what else but that action can you do when you are truly cognizant of what was laying in the manger. Today we have no excuse to know who the baby was, and what he became, and what he did and continues to do, and therefore, what choice do we have but to fall on our knees and cry that he is holy.

Have you ever read the final verse of the song:

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord!
Then ever, ever praise we, His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

I really do wonder if those that sing these songs know what they are singing!!

Christmas Countdown: 4 days!!!

A Heap of Coal

2007-12-20T13:26:00.000-08:00

A friend recently relayed to me a situation wherein she received an emaol from her Sister in Law. The email was, to use her word, "nasty." My friend told me that she responded with all the appropriate nicities, and more. She went on to comment that she is nice to all people, and perhaps even nicer to those that aren't nice in return, or to even start with.

The exchance struck me and I wondered, "what propels us to be 'nicer' to those that act maliciously, or are just plain rude, mean, nasty, etc?"

The Bible speaks of how we should love our enemies, how we should pray for them, and in doing so we are heaping coals on their head. So off on the tanget question, is it really being nice, because we are being nice with the intent that coal will be heaped on their head???!!!

Besides the issues of being nice to those that aren't, it propelled me to think on the characteristics and attributes that are evident in us. My friend isn't a Christian, so it wasn't for any applying the verse reasons that she is nicer to those that "etc." Regardless of a proclamation of belief in Jesus Christ we act in a way the often reflects the attributes of God, and why shouldn't we? We are made in God's image. It doesn't say that once you become a "Christian" you are made in God's image, we are all created in the image of God, so therefore the attributes of God are manifest in all of us no matter if a confession of faith has been uttered.

Mercy, Justice, Peace, Patient, Good, Kind, Faithful, Love, Joyful, Gentle - to name but a few, are qualities that people live out in the daily lives. What needs to take place is a connect the dots. People need to see and make the connection to how they live with the fact that God was, is, and will be the one God, and that he sent his Son to die for us all and that this very God lives in them in tangible ways - such as mercy, love, peace, patience.

So we love our enemies not because it will heap burning coals on their head, but because it is what is commanded. AND for those that do so without the belief in Jesus Christ, I pray that the dots are being connected more and more with each passage of time.

I'm Back

2007-12-20T13:16:00.000-08:00

Hooray - I actually went to bed before 1am last night, not before Midnight mind you, but progress is progress no matter how small!! But word of advice , don't follow my sleep pattern of this week: bed around 1am, up/awake (although debatable to what extent) @ 630am. Technically the first alarm sounds at 610, then the second at 630, and then they take turns going off every ten minutes or so, until finally I drag myself out of bed at 655, hop in the shower, rummage for clothes, and pray that "Friday Light" is true for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

One more early day for tomorrow, then I get to SLEEP. Friday night before I go to sleep I am silencing my phone, turning off all alarms and SLEEPING!!

I realize I've been absent from the blogging world of late. I have a few primed and ready to go, let's see how many of them I type up. In the meantime here are the titles to pique your interest:

"Strike, you're out."
"A Heap of Coal"
"The Wonder of Mary"
"Christmas: a look back"
"What's in a Song?"
"Describe Me" (Working Title)
"Assumptions are..." (Working Title)

what's in a tear???

2007-12-10T19:23:00.000-08:00

Tears - commonly associated with crying are grouped into three categories: basal tears, reflex tears, and psychic tears. Basal tears are the natural lubrication of the eye to keep it clear of dust. Reflex tears are reacting to an irritant to the eye - fumes, dirt, etc. Psychic tears are what are commonly referred to as crying or weeping, they are tears induced by an emotion. The emotion is not necessarily negative, but often joy and happiness can precipitate tears. Tears themselves are defined as "a liquid process of lacrimation to clean and lubricate the eyes." Furthermore, a tear contains water, mucin, lipids, lysozyme, lactoferrin, lipocalin, lacritin, immunoglobulins, glucose, urea, sodium, and potassium.

Taking all of that into consideration in some ways detracts from the words of God when he says that he catches every tear and both stores them in a bottle, and records them in a book. He knows every time that is shed, and he holds each tear dear.

Tears, and for the purpose of this post, crying is a fascinating thing. What does control crying? How much of it is conscious? If we choose to cry, is it as meaningful as when there is no control over the shedding of tears?

Today at work Marissa was playing with my headband, one that I particulary like, and I had cautioned her to be careful not to break, and to therefore not bend it. Alas a snap sounded, and the headband was now in two pieces. She immediately looked at me, said "sorry," and then proceeded to cry. Her tears were of remorse and perhaps guilt. Bottom line, regardless of the fact that it was an accident and two, I didn't react she reacted to her action. Minutes later, Michael, after having retrieved my phone and responded to my urgings to "Give it to Ellie please" proceeded to shed some tears. His tears were a response to not getting what he wanted. He wanted my phone, I denied that particular want, and he responded by producing some tears - a talent he has fast become adept at, and one I am working at curing!!!

Then take this past Saturday, I shared a dramatic monologue detailing Mary's perspective as the mother of Jesus from the time of her betrothal to Joseph, to Jesus' death and resurrection, and the response of the women is an interesting study. Present were the women who clearly need little encouragement to open the ducts, and were bawling from the get go. Others reported afterwards that they tried not to cry, but could not keep it in. Still others were stoic face, and barely revealed an emotion.

I know both male and female who will cry at movies, songs, merely talking, being inspirational, and then I know people like me who hoard tears, and cry say once every few months, if they're lucky!!! I rarely cry at movies, I rarely cry period - when I do something is generally very wrong, or I'm on medication.

Interestingly I watched "Spanglish" this weekend, and the mother instructs the daughter to cry but one tear, and to therefore make that one tear worth it.

If I was to 'box' myself in, I would say I am of the same nature. There are only limited reasons for crying, so when I cry it better be worth it. Conversely, there have been times where I have had little control over the levys giving way. Although to be fair, there have been plenty of times where I've instructed myself to not cry - it doesn't solve anything, tears don't do anything justice, yada yada.

I wasn't really going anywhere with this I was and am just fascinated with the process of crying and what does prompt the tears -- and how controlled are others? Does crying repeatedly lessen the impact of the cry when viewed by an outsider? Does it even matter? Who do we cry for? It is true that Jesus wept - was it because there comes a point where words don't express the emotion? Did he control the tears? See weeping is much more than shedding a tear here and there. Weeping denotes a heaving of chest, of a stream of tears playing chase with one another down the cheek, of the continuous swelling of the tear ducts, and of the constant release of the swelling. What did he weep for? The death of his friend/Lazarus. To weep with his friends-Lazarus' sisters: Mary and Martha -- sharing their grief. Of the utter sadness that death even has to exist in the world. He also wept when looking out at Jerusalem days before his death, and wept for the lost people -- should we as Christians emulate this???

More questions than answers for this post...

underpaid

2007-12-05T22:49:00.000-08:00

Ah the beauty of having your very own computer tech - does that even work in the sentence? (see now I have myself questioning my writing and speaking abilities, and realizing I need to be much tighter with my language and communication especially when a Frenchman corrects my English!!!) I looked up computer tech on www.urbandictionary.com (a fun tool for word searches by the way), and what it said made me smile..."a person who gets underpaid to fix simple user errors." Well, I have been without my paid for network on wireless for the past week or so, and tonight I no longer have that problem because my sweet boyfriend came over after work (a 13 or so hour day mind you) and fixed the problem - not entirely sure what he did, but it doesn't really matter because I doubt in the future I will ever be fixing any computer or internet related problem. So if Guillaume is my very own personal computer tech, I might have to remedy the definition so that it doesn't include 'underpaid' and come up with some payment plan!!!

In other news it would seem as my apartment is fit to be packed in -- the lock on the door is still broken, the waste disposal is broken, the dishwasher is broken, and the dryer is broken AND the landlady put the rent up come January 1st - so it looks like I am on the move once again. Before that though I need to get the lock, waste disposal, and dishwasher fixed and I need to clean the place from top to bottom, left to right, corner to crack -- cleaning just doesn't interest me. I like a clean and tidy place, clutter free - I really do, despite the current apartment status seeming to say otherwise, I just look at it and think "Hmm, sit here under a warm blanket and roam the net or actually get up off my cute bottom and clean and put away clothes, and sort through papers, and *gasp* get rid of papers and other such nonsense that is filling space throughout my bedroom." Then there are the other activities that fill my time, and quite frankly seem to take priority over cleaning: things like preparing a dramatic reading for a women's christmas tea, typing up my dad's sermon, spending time with my very distracting boyfriend, not being home due to adolescent watching -- you get the picture.

All that being said I do believe I should find my way to my bed, which is actually made and made with clean flannel sheets!!!

I Do

2007-12-04T07:00:00.000-08:00

I had the joy and privilege to join friends and family thi past Saturday in celebrating the union of two friends, as they became husband and wife before man and God.

The event was unique and special to the couple - with a black bridal dress, Nightmare Before Christmas cake topper, tattoo sleeves for the bridesmaids, and musical impersonators (Elvis, and the Rat Pack) - but I think every couple's wedding is unique and certainly special. There are elements that are traditional, but because the thumbprint of the bride and groom, and their respective families, is on the wedding is is special and unique no matter what.

For me it was my first wedding to attend as part of a couple, which considering the say ten plus weddings I've attended, was a welcome change.

I think anytime there's a wedding it stirs thoughts of colors, styles, food, dresses, people, cakes, music, words, emotions, dancing -- essentially weddings!! For those marreid it brings to mind that special day of their own unique blend, and for those that have yet to claim those two words of "I do" it is a time to imagine and dream.

Whether the prospective bride is dating or not (every woman is a prospective bride), I'm willing to lay stake that at least some ideas of her wedding flitter through her mind. Now she may be one of those Friend's Monica Bridezilla types, and have a whole binder put together resplendent with pictures, and contact information; or merely be a simple dreamer with fuzzy ideas of what the day would look like.

Essentially though what makes a wedding a true gateway to marriage is the guest list (besides the obvious love and commitment of the bride and groom), because when it comes down to it those gathered to celebrate the promise of love are people who have stood with the couple - either as they've grown individually or as they've grown as a couple, and when those people gather for a wedding they are pledging to stand with the couple as the journey takes on new heights (and lows).

So for all the foo foo and finery, for all the details and schedules, for all the planning and execution it is the people who make the wedding the joyous occassion of love, commitment, and blend of two lives. With that being said, my prayers go to my two friends of recent marital bliss and may those that gathered to celebrate Saturday night continue to be the ones that gather around the couple as this new phase of life unfolds.

pucker up

2007-12-03T10:55:00.000-08:00

In honor of recent conversation regarding kissing, I thought I would post some fun quotes on the topic.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~Albert Einstein

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. ~Ingrid Bergman

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know. ~Mistinguett (Jeanne Bourgeois), Theatre Arts, December 1955

Is not a kiss the very autograph of love? ~Henry Finck

A kiss, when all is said, what is it?A rosy dot placed on the "i" in loving;'Tis a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear.~Edmond Rostand

Kissing is a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other. ~Rene Yasenek

A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition. ~Clare Whiting

I am in favor of preserving the French habit of kissing ladies' hands - after all, one must start somewhere. ~Sacha Guitry

I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night! ~Author Unknown

The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. ~Chico Marx

quack!!!!!!

2007-11-28T00:25:00.001-08:00

Last post of the night, because my dear boyfriend was feeling a little left out because supposedly I didn't list him in my what I'm thankful for post. I would have thought that he would know that he fit in at the very least my small TOC family...but I do suppose where do I put him?! But I am very thankful every day for him, for who he is, for the fact that he loves me, for the time I get to be with him, for the fact that he does stand rank with "my family" to walk with me in joy and sorrow!!

Just for fun I read the other day about a duck in England who can swallow a frog whole, and well this made me smile. Why? Glad you asked. See everytime I call my boyfriend (he does have a name, I just like typing "boyfriend" and seeing it before me...) his phone quacks. Quacks? Yes, quacks! I have my own special ring tone, and while some couples have songs that remind them of the person, or something sweet and endearing, I have a quack ring for when I call. So I am his "little duck" and by stereotype he is my frog -- which is rather ironic, I'll post later.

Oh, the other thing too that has yet to make it to my blog is the subject of "preapproved." But I am not sure quite how to tell the tale, and do it justice. I may just have to start scripting out the little stories, and compiling them into a novel - it would make a great tale. I could call it: "Quack and Ribbet" or "Froggy Makes the Leap" or "The Little Duck Finds Love" or ..Suggestions anyone...

disney songs gone random!!

2007-11-28T00:04:00.000-08:00

All I need to know about life I can glean from Disney movie songs...at least this following playlist.

Whole New World: Aladdin asks Jasmine right before they sing this song, if she trusts him and at her affirmative away they fly on the magic carpet: soaring, tumbling, free wheeling in the star lit sky. Singing of seeing the world, a whole new world because they are together - a new world, with new horizons to explore and pursue together

Circle Of Life: well, the title does say it doesn't it? The circle of life -- the passage of birth, life, and death. The interaction with community, we don't exist as individual entities but as a whole creation - God didn't make us to live without depending on not only each other, but also on the animals and plants he too created.

Beauty & The Beast: "Ever just the same, Ever a surprise, Ever as before, Ever just as sure, As the sun will rise" - who doesn't like the tale of Beauty and the Beast?! In the Disney version I've always liked the beast better than when he actually turns back into a human. I like the untamed version and within that the beast changes, and it is with the Beast that Belle falls in love with. I like it because Belle doesn't set out to change the Beast, and it is Belle's beauty and grace that cause a change of heart in the Beast. I like the vision that that this song evokes in thinking as the lyrics above suggest - that while things may seem the same they are a surprise. The sameness and surety of love is a tale as old of time, yet it still takes one by surprise.

Under The Sea: The Little Mermaid, one of my faves although wrought with terrible lessons (a rant for another day). But this song encourages us to basically live content with where we are at, and what we have. Sebastian sings of being under the sea as so much better than being on land, and he is exhorting Ariel to be content.

Hakuna Matata: well it does mean 'no worries' and what can be wrong with a lesson such as that!!

Kiss The Girl: The Little Mermaid again -- poor Prince Eric, if only he hadn't taken his time making his mind up he wouldn't have had to fight Ursula and nearly drown to death -- but no, he didn't kiss the girl in time. The lyrics speak of how "the boy" is too shy and that he needs to "just kiss the girl" and well, can I just say that I am very thankful that my very own frog, wait I mean prince ultimately wasn't too sure and did kiss "the girl!"

A random posting for sure, but I've been mulling around these songs for weeks -- and I like how they "speak" lessons of life and they are Disney Movie songs -- just goes to show how I spend my days. As much as I like these songs, I do have many misgivings about Disney Movies, and could write much concerning the basics of the stories, but I'll save that for another day -- I have one more post to write and then dreamland here I come.

checking in

2007-11-27T23:59:00.001-08:00

I realized that I haven't exactly been reading any of the books on my Fall Into Reading list that I made September 23rd. I have read most of the fiction on the list, as well as at this point numerous other books - some rereads, but also some really fun new reads. But not sure if I will actually get around to reading the non fiction listed.

I am reading Au Contraire (sp) currently. A book that speaks to the French and American culture. The book is rather interesting, especially considering I am dating a Frenchman!!!

Ok, off to write another post or two or maybe off to get some sleep!!

DEADLINE December 21!!
Catcher in the Rye - Salinger : I started it, and I think it is somewhere around here waiting to be finished.
Perfect Match - Picoult : I read!
Trophey Wives Club - Billerbeck : I read!
Wager - Meyers : I really do want to read it, but I can't find it to purchase it as of yet!
Middlemarch - Eliot : Nope, not yet!
Northanger Abbey - Austen : Nope, not yet!
Purple Hibiscus - Chimamanda Nigoza Adichie : Nope, not yet!
A Promise for Ellie - Snelling (the sole reason being that it features my name in the title!!!) - Yes!
Between Sundays - Kingsbury - Yes!
Surrender Bay - Hunter - I have to purchase it first!!
Blue Like Jazz - Miller (NF) - nope!
The Glass Castle - Walls - yes!
90 Minutes in Heaven - Piper (started, need to finish) (NF) - nope, and not overly motivated to read it - but feel as if I should as I can say I read it.
The Audacity of Hope - Obama (still haven't finished) (NF) - ha, nope!
Sex God - Bell (need to finish) (NF) - nope!
A Long Way Gone - Ishmael Baer (NF?) - nope!
God Chicks - Wagner (NF) - nope!

seeing clearly

2007-11-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

I can see clearly now the rain is gone...It's gonna be a bright, sunshiny day!!

I'm sure there is more to the song than that, but that's all I remember - in part because when I was in High School this musician of sorts came and sang the song but tweaked the lyrics to be:

I can see "Claire" now that "Lorraine" is gone...!!!

I never did appreciate the tweak of lyrics, but I digress.

You would think that after the rain is gone and in turn the dark, grey clouds have dissipated that you could see clearly/clearer now. For me I seem to search for the grey clouds and even if none are on the horizon, I create them in my mind, and therefore prepare for the rain. A contingency plan if you will. It may be all sun-shiny and blue skies right now, but inevitably the rain is going to hit again, so rather than relax and soak up the rays of now, I begin to formulate a plan to cope once the rain hits.

This vein of thought runs in direct opposition to what God seeks from me in my walk with Him, to trust Him. In a strange way it is easier for me to trust Him when the storms are swirling, than to trust Him when the sun is shining. It isn't something I'm proud of, nor something that I would encourage anyone to strive towards, but it does give my pause for thought.

I believe that this year God has been teaching me very directly do I trust Him?! At various points throughout this year I know God has asked that question, and I know at times the question echoed around, an answer not forthcoming; and other times I responded with resounding "yes." Additionally at times my actions lived out the "yes," and other times I quite frankly lived without exercising that trust. The truth of the matter is I do trust Him, and as the end of this year is fast approaching I realize that the verse I claimed at the start of the year "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" is proving to ring very true.

All this to say it is my hope and therefore prayer that as the year does draw to a close that I continue to trust in the Lord/on the Lord with ALL my heart, and that I continue to remember that my understanding has not served me well at all this year, and to keep that in mind. Furthermore, that I should embrace the words of the "I can see clearly now" song and to live in the radiant glow of the bright sun-shiny sun that is currently shining, and to cease looking for grey clouds, for while it is inevitable that they will come, nothing good is served by either looking for them or even anticipating them.

A Thankful Heart

2007-11-26T23:06:00.000-08:00

I never did get around to posting last week, and I did begin to prepare a post detailing or at least listing what I am thankful for. As I've now had more time to marinate over what I could write, I thought back to last Thanksgiving and what I said as I sat at the Hittler's table celebrating Thanksgiving with them, Charlton, Cindy, and Guillaume - and I remember vividly what I said: that I was thankful for the gift of restoration in my life. Furthermore I was thankful for those people in my life who had stood the test of of friendship - of walking with me and my family not only in times of joy, but also in those moments of deep sorrow and grief. After that TG of 06 I started what became a nightly habit, of listing the areas in my life of which I was most thankful for and looking at the character of God and dwelling on who He was/is in my life.

I am haven't exercised that habit for a while -- I am thankful every day, no doubt about that, but I have been remiss in recording the things on a daily basis of which my heart sings praise. I should start up again because being able to look back and see the day to day blessings of my life is something that serves as poignant reminder.

In light of that this year as Thanksgiving is swiftly receding, and Christmas is fast approaching I thankful for:

The people in my life who this year rather than in sorrow, have walked with me in my joy. I am thankful for the family that surrounds me. It is an ecclectic family to be sure, made up of unique individuals. My family is much more than shared DNA, (I was going to write much more than shared blood - but the reality is that my family is made up of shared blood, the shared blood of Jesus Christ that flows through our lives, and acts as that chord that cannot be broken). The Bible speaks of how three chords cannot be easily broken, well if three chords cannot be easily broken, then when you twist in the other chords there is no chance.

I originally began my "What I Am Thankful For" list with people, and my joy, etc...but now the reality is what I most thankful for, and will continually be thankful for is the people in my life -- MY FAMILY.

A family made up of a mum and dad, and then many, many brothers and sisters. I have my Jenkins Family, I have my Hittler Family, I have my Hein Family, I have my smaller TOC Family, and then I have my larger TOC Family, and what I love most about this family of mine, that despite my past inclination to keep it small, it keeps growing, it keeps expanding.

I am thankful for who these people are in my life, I am thankful for their individualities, for the role they play in my life - for some it may go without notice, and for others I do hope that I express the joy that they bring to me in my life.

I love this family. I am very thankful that God in his great sovereingty surrounded me with a such a family - a family who has walked, and who promise to continue to walk with me in both joy and sorrow.

a return

2007-11-19T23:05:00.000-08:00

Know where I went this evening? I actually made it back to KB. I wasn’t overly motivated to go. In fact I am starting this blog post before I have even changed for KB and trying to work up the needed motivation to move from the couch to my room to change and head out – hopefully I make it, I want to blog about how I finally made it back to working out. OK, so I guess I do need to go and get ready now and will return soon and let you know how it went…it certainly can’t be as bad as the first time I went in January, (post), but I do think it is going to hurt just a little!!!

Yes, I went and survived. A little dizzy and slight black out, but overall a good workout. It was even hard for the regulars, and I, fortunately (oh I mean 'unfortunately') am no longer a regular!!! In fact I haven't been in so long my membership card had been relagated to the box of "don't think they'll ever return."

On my way home I did also indulge in a strawberry filled donut, which with a tall glass of cold milk became my post work out dinner -- aren't you glad some things don't change???!!!

On another note -- I am patting myself on the back because I discovered a new site, after much searching wherein I can download songs - for a LOT cheaper than on itunes, AND they had the song I wanted...so I registered, downloaded, saved, and then added into my itunes, and put on my ipod -- I am thrilled!!!

With all that excitement I do believe I should now make my way to my bed and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be FUN -- Hillsong United and Brian Houston are at Jubilee and well, if you haven't had the opportunity to hear Hillsong United then go on over to youtube and find a song by them...I would invite you to attend the concert, however it is SOLD OUT!!!

GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!

some faves from the last week or so...

2007-11-14T14:06:00.000-08:00

"I love you (even if I did not plan for it in my awesome calendar)."
~Guillaume~

"Sara curled herself up in the window seat, opened a book, and began to read...She was so far away from the schoolroom that it was not agreeable to be dragged back suddenly by a howl from Lottie. Never did she find anything so difficult as to keep herself from losing her temper when she was suddenly disturbed while absorbed in a book. People who are fond of books know the feeling of irritation which sweeps over them at such a moment. The temptation to be unreasonable and snappish is one not easy to manage."
~A Little Princess~

"Do everything without complaint and grumbling and arguing..." (A little poetic license)
~Philippians 2:14~

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall...who's the fairest of them all?"
~Snow White~

I also wanted to put on here PM's Love Theme video from www.youtube.com, but I couldn't do it - but I think this is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Or4ffMQkeI

wine and cheese

2007-11-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

I think therefore I am.

I think a whole lot, therefore I must be a whole lot. Perhaps I should add a caveat to this blog post, I am sitting at home after having devoured half a triangular block of brie cheese, some crackers - it looks to be half a packet, some soft swiss cheese, salami, and some herb goat cheese - which I didn't particulary like, oh and so far four triangles of Toblerone and let's not forget the glass of "two buck chuck." And well, I have music going and I am enjoying the fact that for this evening I have nothing to do, nowhere to be. My house is clean - sort of, the front half at least is clean, still could do with some more cleaning, but clean is as clean does - does that even make sense?!

Yes, I think this is going to be a somewhat random post - I can feel it. I had started a post earlier about my day. I could speak to that...see I do believe I was slightly ambitious in the activities of today. Marissa didn't have school today so we holed up at home and within the space of three hours we made cupcakes, painted, bathed, walked, and ate lunch. And if only that list was that simple. Not only did Marissa cook, but I also gave Michael some flour and water and watched to see what he would do with it - and mix he did, and mess he made, and then I took away the "cooking" ingredients, and added paint which unfortunately he didn't seem to enjoy and he proceeded to smear paint all over his face - so he looked a little bit like Mel Gibson in Braveheart, but rather than Blue and White, he had Blue and Red smeared all over his cute little face, which did mean a bath was in order. In the meantime Marissa painted on - mixing colors, and having a jolly ol' time. After I cleaned up - not really, merely stacked, because I was under the impression the housecleaner was coming today, we all readied for a walk and off we went for a pleasant stroll around the block or block or two. It was nice to get out and enjoy the sunshine, and for Michael who was ultra clingy today it was great!

As it turned out the housecleaner did not come today which meant that I did have to clean up after our mess and boy, what a mess. Not only did I have to clean up, but I did so with Michael attached at the hip and one handed -- poor little baby, a combo of teething, not feeling well, and sucker punch for being the baby - he just wanted to be held!!

Not sure where I was going with this post -- all to say, today wasn't a bad day, it had a slow start but kick started into high gear and now I am sitting here admiring my typing ability. I really do like how my fingers know where the letters are on the keyboard, and I don't have to look at the keys - a fact, which I believe I've posted about in the past.

Oh, I am going to go now and think about a new post -- over on http://www.goodgirllit.blogspot.com/ (I really do need to learn how to simply type "here" and within the "here" is the link to whatever I am referencing) they have a Monday tradition of posting "Tag, you're it" where they post a question and their answer but then ask for yours -- this week's is "Your Favourite Place" or something like that.

Don't you just love the randomness of my life!!!

one of "those" days

2007-11-09T14:59:00.000-08:00

You know it is going to be one of those days when you whack yourself in the forehead with the sunvisor first thing in the morning. Don't ask me how I managed to coordinate the visor to hit precisely on my forehead at a striking force, I'm just talented that way!!

Yes one of those days. It may have been precipitated by an inbox full of emails the night before, but really the visor thing was the "sign."

Surprisingly we make it through the morning relatively unscathed. There is the snail movements, the cranky baby - but all in all we make it to dance class, the bank, Michael's, and even Safeway without further mishaps.

Then comes lunch. Again, seemingly uneventful until I take Michael out of his highchair and place him on my lap, at which point he regurgitates the entirety of the Banilla yogurt he just consumed all over my arm, jeans, and top. Oh the joy of sticky, smelly clothes and sticky arms. Thankfully I can wash my clothes immediately and wear something in the interium.

Not too sure how the rest of the day will pan out. I am set to attend a night of murder and intrigue this evening with some fellow ladies from church, and I've no doubt that between now and then that it will continue to be one of "those" days!!!