an unexpected gift

I work as a nanny for two adorable children - 2 soon to be 3 (in April) year old little girl and a nearly 4 month old baby boy. I love my job, most of the time it doesn't even feel as if it is a job or work but merely getting paid to love on the two children and spend my time being silly, reading books, singing songs, and playing all sorts of imaginative games - a chance to express that inner me that stays captured during other times of my life.

The little girl and I were chatting today, as per custom - solving the world's problems, she dispenses childhood wisdom at the dozen... She calls me "my ellie" and I call her "my *name*" - today she asked me why I am her Ellie and vica versa. My answer: God gave us each other.

My job came to me at a time in my life when the ebb of loss and bitterness was at its worse...I was in a place daring God to show me who He was again, I had been hurt, still carrying the wounds, and trust and love of another were not part of the plan. I began the job semi vowing to not get close, to not become too attached but I couldn't refuse this little girl love. I started the job when she was just 4 months old, and as she grew and developed and came into her own, I was there, I was a part of it -- still am. You can't help but love a baby, and with the time we spent just the two of us three days a week a bond between us grew. She makes me laugh so much, there are days she makes me want to pull my hair out from frustration, she fills my heart with joy and laughter. God used her and her family in such a miraculous way to bring healing and restoration into my life. In some ways she taught me to love again, to give again, to be me again.

Looking back I see her as a gift God gave me. The job as a job was without stress, I didn't bring it home with me, I didn't have any complications or outside connections. It afforded me with time to think, to pray, to reflect -- she was still napping quite a bit -- all I had to do was love on her: play with her, read her stories, go for walks, engage her in life. I look at her now and a smile fills my face just thinking of her, she is so precious to me and in her I see glimpses of me. To know that I've impacted a child in such a way is mind boggling, to have been given that opportunity, that trust from the parents fills me awe and makes me really stop and give thanks to God because without Him I wouldn't have had that chance.

Life, my life, her life, will eventually separate us yet I have confidence that no matter the paths that will be walked upon soon we are close in heart and as Pooh and Piglet are fond of saying: we will be together forever - always!!!