relinquishing control

I can't say God didn't warn me!! I was reading back through past entries on the blog and I came across one that I had forgotten about, it was the one about God speaking to me back in January/February and how He was instructing in the time of change that was to come to my church and my life that 1) I should stay and 2) (and the most important for right now) is that I need to relinquish control. When things change, I resist them because I haven't controlled the change. I remember growing up how I would resist changing my room around, especially if the changes were suggested by my mum. I could make the changes and be somewhat fine with it, but if someone else was to either suggest the change or even cross that line and make the changes themselves, then I had a mental meltdown.

It is ironic how God works in my life and how He uses circumstances and people to teach the same lesson. I had forgotten that at the beginning of the year God had essentially warned me that He was going to be "teaching" me to relinquish control, I perhaps should not have forgotten!!!

It was recently brought to my attention that I am somewhat of a control freak, now even though with my self admission to not liking change, I never considered myself a "control freak." However, looking at my life as a whole I see that I am, with certain paramaters. I tend to be a "control freak" when it comes to areas of my life that hold importance. I can let things go a lot easier when it isn't important, but when it comes to things that are near and dear to my heart that is when a switch is flipped and I tend to go into overdrive of wanting to control.

Learning to relinquish control is a lesson I want to learn without major ramifications. For example, I want to "learn" before I am forced to learn it.

I think God has placed in my life two areas that hold equal importance that are both completely out of my control. Now of course there are elements that I have control over, such as my own actions and emotions, but overall I don't have control over the outcomes, the course of action, the actions of others, etc. Considering that I have the hardest time releasing the reigns when it comes to things that are important this should be an interesting journey.

This week has been a good exercise in letting go of control: while I do tend to be more controlling of things that are of more importance I do like to "control" other areas...this week the hassle with my car would have previously sent me around the bend, but I didn't worry about it -- I didn't worry Monday night, I didn't worry Tuesday and it was freeing not to. It was freeing to not have control over it.

The process, the journey isn't going to happen over night, but I think now that I've recognized and reacknowledged what God forewarned me of, I can walk a different path.