I Can Do It

Recently a friend commented that I don’t like to accept help. I’ve been mulling over this comment on and off this week, seeking any validity in the comment and when I did hit some ground of truth I prodded further to determine the why.

Before I peel away those layers, let me first relay my Friday evening, which considering my opening line I am sure I will receive much recrimination should too many people read this post or hear about it.

My plan for the weekend included traveling to the Sacramento area to visit my parents, along with my two brothers, sister in law, and grandparents – the whole family. I would reach Sacramento by train, as Ronnie was already at my parents and we would drive home together Sunday night. Rather than ask anyone to perhaps drive me to the train station for my 715 departure, I walked to the light rail station, and from there rode light rail to one station, switched ‘trains’ and took a second LR train to the actual train station. So yes I did walk, with my two bags, from my condo – which by the way I had to exit from the window (I’ll tell you all about that soon enough), to the light rail station. I was thankful that
It had stopped raining, for but an hour before it had been torrential.
I didn’t actually pay for my light rail ticket because at the ticketing machine someone had placed a day pass. (Funnily enough when I reached my first final destination, someone else needed the ticket – that day pass got a lot of use today)!!
The LR train was arriving as I began my descent down the stairs, AND it waited for to board.
The LR train for my connection arrived within seconds of exiting the first LR train.
I made it with plenty of time to spare to get my train ticket and board the train with no worries.

I didn’t want to ask for a ride. I didn’t want to impose on anyone, especially considering I am perfectly capable of walking, and that there is public transportation.

So I suppose there is some truth in me not liking to accepting help. The foundation of truth to this comment is multi faceted.
I don’t like to impose on anyone. A community issue?!
I don’t want anyone to think that I can’t. Oh yes, a pride issue I do recognize that.
I am capable, so why shouldn’t I just do it myself?!

It is difficult for me to admit to needing someone, people, help, to be dependent – yet when it occurs, then I feel princess like. For example, a while back my headlight was fixed. It had needed fixing for some time, try close to 6 months, and while I had purchased the bulb I hadn’t actually got around to fixing it, nor had I asked anyone to fix it. #1 playing a role on this one. However, one evening while enjoying the fellowship and food of friends, one friend in particular went outside and changed my headlight for me. As it went I didn’t actually notice, until I was told; but that act really made me feel taken care and like I said, “princess like.”

So with that being the case you would think I would accept help more readily, considering how the fact of being aided, etc made me feel “loved.” Isn’t it ironic that the very things that cause our heart to smile, are the things that we avoid?!