learning to love from afar

Technically seeing as I haven't gone to bed yet and entered slumber land I can still say "today" even though it is Wednesday already -- where did the day go?!

As the day draw to a close life caught me unawares and I started to cycle downward. I am not sure why -- I could cast blame on a number of things: I am tired, my hormones are out of wack - for me at least, I had been in a long meeting regarding an upcoming project that is more draining than energizing, the fact that I realized that as I left the meeting I was going home to an empty place and that I am tired of being alone -- the cycle down just got worse. I hardly cry, and I started crying on the phone with my mum over something so trivial.

Earlier today I wished a friend a happy birthday and he called not that long ago to say thanks and invite me to his bday bash wednesday evening, however this merely added to the downward cycle.

So I found myself late at night working on an "action list" (yes Mrs. J, I did stay up and do it), and as I worked, I checked my emails and from the birthday friend was an email of thanks to his friends and family for making his day that much brighter considering as he woke he wasn't overjoyed by the turning of another year.

His email though contained words of encouragement - words of Jesus and the two commands he gave: to love Him/love God with all our heart, mind, and soul and to love our neighbor.

It was a bittersweet email for me, but rather than drag me further into the spiral it made me stop and look up.

As I looked up I realized that sometimes loving from afar is a necessary step in life, that distance - be it of miles or of the heart, doesn't mean that care and love can't be expressed; and that just because circumstances change doesn't mean that the love and care goes too.

I am still in a stage of not understanding, still gritting my teeth when I tell God that I still trust Him - which I suppose isn't really trusting Him, is it?! Yet, I am learning - I am learning about life in its fullness I suppose - the sweet with the bitter. I could write a blog just on that -- about not knowing what the taste of sweet is until you know the bitter taste - until you have that comparison.

But my lesson today is loving from afar, and how important it is to do, to act on that love.