Living Life in Limbo

Through a series of conversations on Sunday I've taken a step back and evaluated my response to "what are you doing right now - in life?" (or any variants of the above question).

I generally answer, "I work as a nanny." However, I tend to say or perhaps imply much more than the simplicity of the words. I am oft to add a lilting (high tone at nanny) question mark at the end, "Im a nanny?" Or a flat tone, (at nanny) taking a somewhat apolegtic voice. Or there is the firm, solid, "nanny" speaking it defensively.

Inevitably the question that folows is, "What's next?" And therein is the reason for the varied tones.

But why does something have to be next? Am I not content? Should something be next? When is "next"?

A third question was added to the mix during one of the conversations, asking me if I what I am doing is preparation for a desire to be a mummy later on in life. I answered, somewhat vaguely in the affirmative. I do not wish to be a wife and mother "later" on in life, but working as I do now isn't necessarily in preparation for that role, although I do know I will take my experiences with me.

All of that is really a moot point, because that "next" of life is dependent on some key factors, least of all a husband. Which coincindently is dependent on a fiance, which in turn is dependent on a boyfriend, which providently so I do not have - currently, or "futurely" for that matter!!!

SO there be a "next" between "nanny" and "mummy" I've just yet to determine what it will be. And therein lies the rub. I don't know. I am not a fan of not knowing. Not only do I not know what that specific determination, neither do I know why I can't come to that determination, which is sometimes worse than not knowing the original determination.

I've much more to say to this, but feel as if it needs a seperate post.

Oh, the title of the blog "Living Life In Limbo" is because I feel as I present that mindset to others, that I am living life in limbo, waiting for the "next" thing, and I don't want to do that. I want to savor and enjoy the now.